Thursday, December 29, 2005

Last post of the year

Today is the last post of the year for me, I'll return sometime next year in case anyone cares. Now onto sports and someother things

Our Badgers (ranked #24 in the AP poll and #22 in the coaches) came off their 2 week hibernation and beat the Louisiana Tech Nosepickers in a game that wasn't even as close as the final score of 78-52. All this game did was pad the stats of the Badgers. They are off to a 10-1 start and halfway to the mythical 20 wins needed to get into The Dance, which they won't have a problem making barring a meltdown of Martin Lawrence proportions. The Badger players better find their suitcases as they go to Pittsburgh for a game on New Year's Eve. Since they haven't been on the road since the loss at Wake a month ago on Nov 29th, I worry they may have lost their existing suitcases and have to buy new ones. This may lead to them getting some discounts due to who they are, and then we have Luggage-gate or something stupid like that.

Brett is supposedly talking like this is his last game. I have said all season long that I believe that this is his last season. We'll see what happens in the next month or so as I also believe that he will make a decision shortly after the Super Bowl. Brett's not going to keep the team hanging on deciding what they have to do from a FA and draft standpoint much longer than that.

The Greatest Video Clip Of The Year
Many of you probably have seen this, but I have to link to it:
It's the SNL skit of The Chronic of Narnia Rap. The funniest thing I have seen SNL put out in quite a while.

Have a great New Years Everyone!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I hate thugs in the NBA

TJ Ford gets hurt last night in the Bucks loss to the Heat. He was fouled hard by James Posey and left the game after 4 minutes of play. James frickin' Posey. So one of the most exciting players in the league in Ford gets taken out of the game, and likely several more and will be affected the rest of the season because some scrub who has 8" and 40 lbs on Ford decides that he needs to foul hard. What a frickin' joke. Learn to play some defense. First Mark Madsen, career thug decides 2 years ago that he needs to knock out Ford with a hard foul and now Posey. These are 2 guys the NBA can live without. I don't want to hear about the NBA is a physical game and the players need to deal with it. There is physical play, and then there is thuggery. I got no problem with Shaq and Magloire going at it under the hoop. But hacking away at a guy driving to the hoop and airborne to stop a shot because you cannot stop him is just crap.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Time for more sports crap!

Yes, your repreive from sports is over. I certainly hope you all enjoyed The Adventures of Larry Legend, as I had an absolute blast making it. The owner of the Larry ornament, Shane, was quite pleased with the whole story and has forgiven me for stealing him. Amazing what buying a guy a Chipotle burrito will do for you.

They suck. Rodgers should play for 3 quarters on Sunday. He'll be against the Seahawks scrubs and second teamers, but it is necessary that he gets exposed to actual game experience. Next topic.

Further proof that there is no "D" in Milwaukee, they lose to a bad Magic team. The Bucks are the 6th worst team in opponents FG% (46.3%) while being 17th in the league in making them (44.5%) themselves. They make up for this with their supurb 3 point shooting (4th in the league). Jamal Magloire hit the nail on the head with his quote after this recent game:

"I think we need to focus," said Magloire. "Do a better job of focusing. I think we're more interested in offense and scoring points than we are at stopping our man. That will catch up to us."

It did catch up to them last night. The Bucks are a good offensive team, no doubt about it as they avg 97.6 pts/game. But they give up 99.2 pts/game. You keep that up you will start losing games, and often. The Bucks make up for it with good rebounding (4th in the league, 3rd in offensive rebounds), but the D needs to improve.

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Adventures of Larry Legend: Episode V - The Final Battle

Last time, Larry survived the Forbidden Jungle and now with the help of the Rescue Heros, he is off to save Polly. Now for the conclusion of our story (thank goodness!) in Episode V - The Final Battle.

Preparations were complete for Rhyno and Polly's wedding. Rhyno and Polly were at the beautiful wedding platform in Rhyno's fortress.

"All is set my love, as you can see the minister is here and not only that, he's the DJ as well. See how efficient and cost conscience I am." Rhyno says.

"My Larry will come for me," says Polly with obvious fear and concern in her voice, "he is my true love."

"Bah! He is dead and now nothing can stop me, Rhyno J. Cumquat from geting the girl of my dreams." Rhyno boasted.

"Your last name is Cumquat?" giggled Polly. Even the priest was stiffling a laugh.

"Shut up!" yelled an embarassed Rhyno and turns toward the priest, "Let the ceremony begin!"

"Not so fast." proclaimed a voice.

"LARRY!" squealed a joyous Polly.

Both Rhyno and Polly looked up and there was a tremendous battle going on with the Rescue Heros and the dinosaurs that were guarding the wedding platform.

"It can't be," said a dumbfounded Rhyno "how did you escape my gorgeous Nymphos?"

"Biff sacrificed himself and got them in a hot tub with beer so that I could come rescue my true love, Polly." Larry said triumphantly.

"You left gorgeous nymphos in a hot tub with beer?" Polly asked shockingly, "are you sure you're not gay? I mean, come on, that even sounds good to me..."

"Enough of that," Larry says, "it's time we had it out Rhyno. Time for the final battle."

After a back and forth battle with both combatants landing crushing blows, it was finally the basketball-quan-do skills of Larry Legend that ended the fight. The deafening "KAPOW!!" that was heard all the way to the Boston Garden (not the restaurant, the sporting facility) of his trusty Spaulding going upside of Rhyno's head ended the epic brawl.

Now Larry and Polly were together again, and all was right with the world. The birds could now sing, the flowers bloom and the rivers run.

Larry and Polly went back to their ski chalet, and to the victors go the spoils...

Written, Directed and Produced by Cheesehead Craig
Camera work by Cheesehead Craig and Rachel
Wardrobe and Art Direction by Rachel
Special Effects by Cheesehead Craig and Adam
Casting by Cheesehead Craig
Editing by Cheesehead Craig and Rachel
Set design by Cheesehead Craig and Adam
Polly Pockets represented by RachelReck, INC.
Catering by Cub Foods
This story was done on location at Cheesehead Craig's house.
No toys or Christmas ornaments were harmed in the making of this story.
All characters are fictional, any resemblance to any real person is only in your head.
This story is sole property of Cheesehead Craig, try and pass this off as your own, and I'll kick your ass.
Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you enjoyed the story, let me know.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Adventures of Larry Legend: Episode IV - The Forbidden Jungle

In Episode III, we witnessed Larry and Biff in their struggle against the Nymphos. Biff sacrificed himself so that Larry could continue on. Now, Larry is on his way to see King Cheekymonkey in hopes that he can help Larry save Polly.

Larry crossed the great sea with the aid of the cuddling sailors and entered the Forbidden Jungle. The Jungle was full of deadly plant life such as giant man-eating Venus fly traps and large aloe plants. As ferns and ficus flailed furiously, the former fantastic Forward flung forth fabulously.

He did not care what damage was being done to him, he only cared for one thing: a double cheeseburger. It had been a long time since he last ate and he was hungry dammit! He decided that he must rescue Polly first. Because if she found out he stopped to eat while she was held captive, then he would never hear the end of it; and frankly he really did not need that kind of hassle in his life.

While Larry was busy daydreaming about double cheeseburgers, there was a loud shout in front of him. "Halt!" boomed a voice that shook him to his bones.

Larry looked up and saw a giant nutcracker.

"In order to pass to the castle of King Cheekymonkey, you must answer a riddle," said the nutcracker. "Answer it correctly and you shall pass unharmed, answer incorrectly and I shall crack your nuts."

"I agree to your terms, giant." Larry answered boldly. "Give me your riddle so that I may answer it and move on."

"Very well, what is the name of the compound that is essential to absorbing and retaining the scented essences of potpourri?" asked the giant Nutcracker

Larry answered confidently, "Given that I minored in potpourri at Indiana State, this is easy. The answer is a fixative, such as oak moss, orris root or cellulose."

"You are correct, and you may pass," and with this the Nutcracker moved out of the way and allowed Larry to continue on to the castle of King Cheekymonkey.

Larry approached the opulent palace of King Cheekymonkey and upon his arrival, the King and Queen came out to the balcony to see what this stranger to their land wanted.

Larry told his sorrowful tale of love lost and the hardships he had endured getting to this point in his journey.

The king was agast at the tale of the Nymphos and exclaimed, "You walked away from Nymphos in a hot tub with beer? What are you whipped or something?"

The Queen joined in as well, "I agree, I would never pass that up and frankly I would be ashamed of myself had I done so."

Larry was flabergasted, "But Polly is my true love, other than basketball. Doesn't that count for anything?"

The King and Queen conferred and decided that Larry was indeed worthy of help, despite being a wuss, after all he was one of the 50 greatest players in NBA history, even though they thought Magic Johnson was better. "We shall give you the use of the Rescue Heros to aid you on your quest."

Larry was thrilled at this offer. Furthermore, the King and Queen knew of where Rhyno's fortress was. Larry jumped onto the Rescue Hero's firetruck with them and off they went to save Polly.

Will Larry be able to get to Polly in time? Does Rhyno have one last surprise for Larry? Tune in next time for the conclusion in Episode V - The Final Battle.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Adventures of Larry Legend: Episode III - The Temptation

When we last left our heros, Larry and Biff were captured by Rhyno and were under attack by his seductive Nymphos. We continue with our story in Episode III - The Temptation.

Larry was helpless to the Nymphos attacks, his confidence already shaken by Rhyno's claims that Magic Johnson was a better basketball player, he was easy prey to the attention and affection the Nymphos gave to him.

Not only that, but the Nymphos were attracted to him as well. After all, what woman doesn't want a 6' 9"Midwestern, pasty-skinned, gangly man with a pathetic porn-star moustache?

"Oooo Larry, you're such a manly man," crooned the Nymphos as their hypnotic perfumes and poisonous kisses further weakened Larry.

"Magic never had this many women at one time," moaned Larry.

Biff could see that his friend was fading fast and he was as well starting to fall under their wicked spell. Biff then saw their salvation.

"Hey ladies," Biff called out, "care to join me for some cold beers in the hot tub?"

The Nymphos squealed with delight and ran to the hot tub, throwing off their clothes. Biff knew that no self-respecting Nympho could resist free beer and a hot tub.

As Larry came to, he saw Biff in the hot tub.

"Save Polly, I'll handle the Nymphos," Biff called out.

Larry stumbled out of the hideout, weakened by his encounter with the Nymphos and sad over the sacrifice of his friend.

"He sacrificed himself and took on all those Nymphos just to save me. Wait a minute, he's in a hot tub with 5 gorgeous Nymphos! That baaaassstarrrrddd....." Larry then collapsed as the poison from the Nymphos kisses was too much for him.

Larry came to a while later, surrounded by what appeared to be giant Care Bears in a bed.

"Where am I?" Larry asks.

"You are safe now, we all took turns holding and cuddling you during the night while helping the poison leave your body."

Larry felt a little uneasy looking at the Bears with their knowing looks at him as he wondered how they helped the poison leave his body. Suddenly he remembered Polly, and he told the Bears about his plight.

"We know someone who can help, King Cheekymonkey and his wife, the Queen. However, to get to them, you need to go across the great sea and through the Forbidden Jungle to their castle. We know of some sailors that can take you across the sea, they stop here when they need some cuddling after being at sea for so long.

Again, Larry felt uneasy about the Bears' knowing looks at each other and him. But Larry knew he had no other choice than to go with the sailors.

So Larry sets sail across the sea to the Forbidden Jungle to meet King Cheekymonkey in hopes that he can help Larry rescue his beloved Polly.

What dangers await Larry in the Forbidden Jungle? Will he be able to rescue Polly in time? How worried should Larry be about being on a boat with sailors who cuddle with giant Care Bears? Tune in next time for Episode IV - The Forbidden Jungle.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Adventures of Larry Legend: Episode II - The Chase Begins

Previously on The Adventures of Larry Legend, the evil Rhyno had abducted Polly in an effort to claim her for his own. After Larry and Polly's brother, Biff Pockabill, fended off Rhyno's henchmen, they discover where Rhyno's hideout is. Now on to Episode II - The Chase Begins.

Larry and Biff, acting upon the info Biff was able to extract from one of the henchmen, proceed to the nearest train station to catch the train to MegaBlockville, where Rhyno's hideout is located.

Biff informs Larry "The schedule says the train is leaving shortly, Larry. Let's get inside and purchase some tickets."

"When I get a hold of Rhyno," says Larry boldly, "I'm going to give him a one-way ticket to Knuckle Sandwichville."

"Dude," says Biff, "you gotta work on your one-liners. Now move those big, plodding feet of yours or we'll miss the train."

Biff and Larry enter the train station and as they get up to the counter, a large net is dropped over them.

"It's an ambush Larry!" yells Biff.

Biff and Larry struggle valiantly, but the net only tightens around them.

"Struggle all you want," says one of Rhyno's henchmen, "you have no chance of getting out of this onion bag."

"Where's Rhyno?" demands Larry, his eyes stinging from the onion scent still inside the netting, "What have you done with Polly?"

"Shut up," says the henchmen, "Since you want to see the boss so bad, we'll take you to him, but be careful what you wish for. As for your dear Polly, he's got plans for her." The henchmen all laugh confidently as they load our heros onto the train and take them to Rhyno's hideout.

When they arrive at Rhyno's hideout, the henchmen drag Larry and Biff in front of Rhyno.

"Well, well, well Larry, I will say this for you, you are persistant," says Rhyno "but this is the end of the line for you and your little friend."

"The name's Biff." Biff states boldly.

"What have you done with Polly?" demands Larry.

"Don't worry about Polly, Larry, I'll take gooood care of her. You know what they say, once you go Rhyno, you never go back."

"I thought it was 'once you go Rhyno, you can't get the stench off you'. Let's settle this like men, on the basketball court, you freak!" screamed Larry.

"Ha! As much as I would love to school you, I have other matters to attend to, namely my wedding to Polly. Oh, and by the way, Magic Johnson was a better basketball player than you." Rhyno said smiling knowing Larry's biggest fear is that of Magic.

"Take that back!" yelled Larry, sweating under the uncomfortable truth of Rhyno's words.

"You know it's true, not only was he a better basketball player, plus he also is a successful businessman and had his own talk show as well. Which is way more than you'll ever accomplish. Now, prepare to meet your end at the hands (so to speak) of my Nymphos! Bwahh hah hah! Farewell Larry and Larry's little friend!"

Biff yells out "The name's Biff!"

Suddenly, saxophone music starts to play.

"Oh, hello Biff," says a seductive voice. "You do look so strong and handsome, I cannot wait to do such... naughty things to you."

Biff and Larry are then set upon by the Nymphos. Biff and Larry are instantly smitten by these vixens. Will they be able to resist their powers of seduction? How will they ever find where Rhyno has hidden Polly? What the hell is that pink crap Larry is standing in? Tune in next time for Episode III - The Temptation.

Monday, December 19, 2005

The Adventures of Larry Legend: Episode 1 -- The Abduction

As promised, no sports this week, instead I bring you The Adventures of Larry Legend. My neighbor Shane has a prized Christmas ornament of Larry "Legend" Bird on his tree. While Shane is away in Florida this week, I'm describing what kind of week Larry has had. Please note, you can click on the pictures to see the enlarged version of them, it's well worth doing. So, without further ado... Episode One: The Abduction.

We begin our story with Larry Legend and his fiancee, Polly Pockets off on a romantic ski vacation. Larry grew up in the midwest, and as such, winter does not even phase him, thus he does not need winter clothes, just his trademark Boston Cetlic jersey.

"Oh Larry, it's such a beautiful day for skiing isn't it?" says a love-struck Polly Pockets to Larry.

"Can you see a basketball court? I'm really itching for a game," Larry replies.

But what's this? It's the dastardly Rhyno behind them. He covets Polly more than anything, including deodorant, which is why he has to approch them from downwind.

While Larry is preoccupied with trying to locate a basketball court (because after all, 6' 9" men were not meant to ski and look goofy trying to do so), Rhyno pounces upon Polly.

"Larry!!" she screams as Rhyno carries her away.

Larry turns around to see his love being carried away by his arch-nemesis Rhyno. However, four of Rhyno's henchmen are in his way and things look bleak, even for one of the greatest players in NBA history.

Fortunately for Larry Legend, he is not alone. Polly's brother, Biff Pockabill (in the red hat and works at the ski resort), upon hearing his sister's cry for help has come to rescue her.

Seeing that he does indeed have backup, Larry goes on the offensive and uses his world famous basketball-quan-do martial arts training.

"It's time to show these boys how we handle thugs, French Lick style. " (this is a reference to Larry's home town of French Lick, IN and is NOT a homosexual reference, not that there is anything wrong with that)

A loud KAPOW!! can be heard upon his trusty Spaulding basketball hitting the head of the henchman. Larry and Biff make quick work of Rhyno's henchmen. However, in the fracas, Rhyno has escaped. Biff is able to get the location of Rhyno's hideout from one of the men.

Can Larry and Biff find Rhyno's hideout and save Polly Pockets? What dastardly plans does Rhyno have in store for our heros? Tune in next time for Episode II: The Chase Begins.

Edit: the comments section is back up, sorry about that.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Last day of sports for a week

The Journal Sentinel reports that the Packers are working on a multi-year deal with Aaron Kampman. He has definately had his best season and is worthy of a big contract. He is not overpowering, but he is quick, has great instincts and works his ass off. The article goes on to say that the rest of the DL have labeled him the most consistent lineman, which is outstanding. He has stepped up his pass rushing ability and should continue his improvement next season.

The Badgers won last night in a close one to UW-Milwaukee
74-68 to improve to 9-1 for the season. The Badgers are currently ranked #24 in the coaches poll, and are knocking on the door in the AP poll. For a team that wasn't expected to do much, they are certainly making some noise early in the season. The real fun is going to start at the beginning of the year when the Big 10 season starts. They will have #22 Iowa and #12 Mich St at home then on the road at MN, which is a tough way to start the Big 10 season, but these guys are looking to be up to the task.

In response to my title of this post, next week there will be no sports on this site. I am going to have a little something different for next week that I've been working on that I hope you all will like. I'll leave you with that teaser over the weekend. Come back Monday and see what's in store.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I got 8 inches

And I love it. There are some that don't like that much, but luckily my wife is not one of them. She enjoys it tremendously, how it looks and how much fun it is to play with. I just love the smile it brings to her face and how excited she gets when she sees it. True, it is a lot of work and after taking care of it, we both are sore and tired as it usually takes up to an hour or so. We gotta be careful as we don't want to injure ourselves in dealing with all of it. Nevertheless, last night we both had a lot of fun with the 8 inches.

I'm talking about the snow we got last night, what were you thinking about?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Another reason I won't pay for the Packer Insider

For those of you who do not know, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel has a section of their online paper called the Packer Insider. In order to see these articles about the Packers, you have to pay either a monthly or annual fee. To me, this is a total crock and blatant ripoff of Packer fans. It's not like these articles are written by nationally acclaimed writers that have info in them you cannot get anywhere else. These are the same guys that write about the other WI sports teams. One of these writers is Tom Silverstein. He laments in yesterday's article that the Packers latest win gets them further from Reggie Bush in the draft. He then states the following:

Mark the date: Dec. 11, 2005.

It could become as infamous in Green Bay Packers history as Dec. 18, 1988.
That fateful day 17 years ago was when the Packers beat the Phoenix Cardinals, 26-17, thus relinquishing the first pick in the National Football League draft to the Dallas Cowboys on the final day of the season.

All it cost the Packers was future Hall of Fame quarterback Troy Aikman, who went first to the Cowboys, leaving the Packers to make their ill-fated choice of offensive lineman Tony Mandarich with the No. 2 pick.

So according to Tom, the Packers screwed the pooch in winning a game and then getting stuck with having to trade for Favre instead of getting Aikman. Are you kidding me? What a hack. Yes, the Packers got one of the top busts of all time in Mandarich, but is he saying that it was a mistake to get Favre instead of Aikman? If so, then he needs to go write for the losers in Dallas and get the hell out of WI.

But it's not only Tom, oh no, it's also Cliff "I have no brain" Christl in this gloom-and-doom-woe-is-me mood. Cliff's column is entitled "Packers won't be Super next year without Bush". Give me a frickin' break. So they are writing off next season already because we likely will not get a player who may or may not come out (ok, he probably will, but still).

Umm, we still have the November offensive player of the month in Gado right? Sure, criticize him for being an undrafted FA, but so was Priest Holmes and somehow I don't think anyone was saying how the Chiefs needed to upgrade at RB. Is Gado as good as Holmes, don't know, but he's got a heck of a good start.

You cannot sit and lament about who you could have had in the draft, it will drive you nuts. Every draft there are players that are hyped that everyone drools over. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. If Bush decides to hold out of camp and be a problem child with his contract, then comes in right before the season and hurts his knee (a la Kellen Winslow Jr.), then these guys will all be saying how the Packers were smart in not wasting a pick on Bush. By not getting Bush, the Packers can shore up areas that need more help than RB, like LB and DL (pass rushers would be extremely helpful) and make the team better. You remember that concept that the Patriots have used to win 3 of the last 4 SBs, don't you?

Would you pay for garbage like this? I wouldn't either.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

From way downtown

The Bucks last night beat the New York Knickerblunders 112-92 for their 6th win in the last 7 games. That's a 20 point whoppin' ladies and gentlemen. This is on the team that the great Larry Brown is coaching. The Knicks were hyped in the preseason as possibly back on the rise thanks to the great Brown coming to coach them. Guess what? The Knicks stink. The Bucks beat a bad team how they were supposed to, and at New York nonetheless. The Bucks shot 63.2% from 3 point range... hold up, 63% from downtown? Not only do teams have to worry about the inside play of their big men, and contend with the leagues #3 rebounding team (#2 in rebounding differential), but teams also have to guard the perimeter on a team that for the season shoots 43% from 3 point land (#1 in the league by the way)? Forget about it! Gadz had another outstanding night with 18 points in 18 minutes (take that Lebron). Looking forward to the Bucks with home court advantage in the first round of the playoffs.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Jump For Joy

This is a scene that I could definately get used to seeing. The Packers celebrating a huge goal line stand in the 4th Q as Grady Jackson (the big 75) led the charge as they stoned 3 straight runs into the endzone on the game changing series of plays. Both Carroll (28) and Collins (36) not only had good games, but very good seasons. This stand was indicative of how the defense has played all season, tough. After a shaky first quarter where they gave up 13 points, with 10 of those given up after a turnover and special teams meltdown, and 96 yards of offense, they settled down and gave up 0 points and 145 yards over the final 3 quarters.

Samkon Gado was fantastic with 171 yards and a touchdown and the game saving shovel pass in the 4th Q that prevented a safety. Reggie Bush? We don't need no stinking Reggie Bush! Gado has proven that he can be an NFL starting RB. I'd be just fine with LB AJ Hawk, thank you very much.

A tough win against the otherworldly Lebron James on Saturday night 111-106 where "The Chosen One" scored 52 points. Look at that for a second, 52 of the 106 points were scored by one player. Frankly, I'm glad that the Bucks do not have a player that can do this. You may think I'm nuts, but the Bucks have built a TEAM versus going with the one incredible player. Only one other Cav scored double digit points in the game (Ilgauskas had 20) and that to me is a detriment to the overall success of the team. The Bucks on the other hand had 5 players in double digits, not to mention Magloire pulling down 15 boards (nobody on the Cavs had a particularly good game on the glass). The Bucks have a good team that is learning how to win with everybody contributing in clutch situations, whereas the Cavs just have one superstar player that can dominate a game, but the rest of his teammates don't know how to help him and cannot be counted on down the stretch as they are too busy watching LeBron.

Friday, December 09, 2005

An Ode to Chuck Norris

Here are 15 things that you may not have known about America's most manly man, Chuck Norris.

  1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  2. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
  3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
  4. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
  5. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  7. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  8. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after this all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
  9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
  10. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
  11. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
  12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  13. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
  14. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
  15. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Melvin is a stud, and other items

The Brewers were very active at the Winter meetings this year so far with the long-expected
trade of Lyle Overbay. The Brewers get a solid SP in Dave Bush and 2 very good minor league prospects in highly touted Zach Jackson and Gabe Gross. Not only did Melvin make this move, but he also brings back Danny Kolb in a trade with Atlanta with giving up Wes Obermueller (thank goodnes). Kolb wilted under the pressure in Atlanta last season and thus they were willing to part with him for a player that the Brewers did not really need (or want). Kolb has a solid shot at regaining most of his form and success that he had with the Brewers 2 years ago, but this time he will be the setup man for Turnbow. The triumverate of Capellan, Kolb and Turnbow is a quite sweet one to have to finish games.

I'm positively thrilled at how good of a GM Melvin is. The Brewers are truly blessed to have a man like him in charge combined with an owner like Attanasio who is willing to build a winner and stay the hell out of the way of the people who can make it happen. For the best analysis on these deals, pop over to
Al's Ramblings, who is IMO, the godfather of Brewers blogging.

Well, one night after putting up their worst showing of the season, at home nonetheless, they go to Philly and put together one of their better ones against the 76ers in an 88-85 win. Huge buckets and FT down the stretch and capitalizing on the Sixers mistakes were key in the last 2 minutes. Magloire was a monster with 14 boards and Bogut had a much improved night with 8 boards, 6 assists, 3 steals, 3 blocks with his 6 points, but his last 2 points were a putback with 10 seconds left to give the Bucks the lead. He didn't score much, but did everything else right. The Three Amigos at guard: Redd, Williams and Ford combine for 52 points, 10 assists and 14 rebounds; just a fantastic backcourt. The Bucks are in 3rd place in the toughest division in basketball with a 10-7 record.

Badgers beat UW-GB 82-62 last night to improve to 6-1. They should not lose any more games prior to the Big 10 season starting. That's when things should get interesting.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Since you asked

Because Shane did have the stones to state what rule changes he would make to the NBA the other day, I will do the same that way he'll stop whining like a some Viking fan.

  • Changing the quarter length from 12 minutes to 10 minutes. This speeds up the games and makes possessions that much more important to get a better shot. Could also encourage teams to utilize a running game more, which is typically more exciting to watch.
  • In response to the shortened time of the game, foul limits would then be reduced to 5. This would also encourage teams to build deeper teams as 9 man rotations would be more common as coaches have to be more aware of foul issues. Players also would be forced to play more soundly on defense.
  • Timeouts for the game would be changed to 1 full timeout and 3 20 second timeouts per half. Current rules have 4 full timeouts and 3 20 second timeouts over the course of the game, I believe, and coaches tend to save most of them for the final 2 minutes. There are plenty of TV timeouts during the game for teams to take advanage of.
  • Change the 3 point line from 23' 9" to 22' 1", which is still farther out than the international line. Time to bring the 3 point shot back as a strategic element to the game. This would help offset the scoring lost with the shortened quarters.
  • All teams play 4 games/week, with the week around the All-Star game off. This increased schedule shortens the entire length of the season by about a month and a half and again, requires teams to be deeper as players would need some additional rest.
  • Playoffs in the first 2 rounds are best of 5. It's playoff time and teams need to bring it right from the start. If you can't, you didn't deserve to be there. Also, only 6 teams from each conference are in the playoffs, with the top 2 teams getting the first round bye. This rewards good play in the regular season, thereby making those games more meaningful.
  • Phil Jackson would be banned from the NBA, I hate that smug bastard.
  • All other rules remain the same.

There you go. I will not go into the economics of the league or anything like that. I am in full agreement with Shane on the camera angles, I hate when they switch the views. It's like some damn moron is proving he can be the next great director.

I go and say the Bucks will beat the Lakers yesterday and then they go and put forth one of their worst efforts of the season in a 108-91 loss, at home. The Lakers converted 18 turnovers into 27 points and outrebounded the Bucks as well. Lamar Odom decides that last night was a good time to show up this season with 24 pts, 9 rebs and 8 assists. Smush Parker adds in 20 points and more importantly 7 steals, and of course Kobe dropped 33.

I stated that Bogut and Gadz would get more playing time with Smith and Simmons being out and they did do well while out there. Bogut had 8 pts and 8 rebs in 21 minutes and Gadz had 12 pts and 8 rebs in 19 minutes. Bogut frankly needs to do better as a starter as he's kinda disappeared in the last 3 games and has not been breaking double digit points. Yes, he's a rookie, but he's the #1 overall pick and should be putting up better numbers. Simmons was able to play some last night and the Bucks definately need his defensive effort as it was sorely missing last night.

Given my complete ineptitude in predicting games lately, I'm going to hold off on any predictions for tonight's game against the 76ers.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Today is fun day!

In the days of old, when Genghis Kahn's men were running over Asia, they set their sights on further shores. Rather than 'huns', these warriors were known as Kahn's men, or simply, Kahns.

When they had conquered all the way to the water's edge, they built boats, gathered their loot, and bravely went to sea. By a sad twist of fate, they encountered an island of lepers, which resulted in most of the crew being infected.

Hastily leaving that island, they set sail again, but by the time they reached Ireland, there wasn't much left of them. Disembarking on stubby limbs, they set forth, but were soon set upon by the natives for the riches they carried.Rotted away, but still clever, they hid on the island and awaited rescue, and the locals never did get their hands on the treasure.

And that's how the story of the little people got started in Ireland - the leper Kahn's and their pots of gold.

Thanks and tip your waitresses everyone!

For some further fun, see how I toy with my neighbor Shane over at The Greet Machine in regards to his discussions on the NBA and college hoops. I know I should feel sorry for him and not subject him to my brilliance, but I cannot help myself sometimes.

My buddy SBG's favorite basketball player, Colorado Kobe, and his teammates the Lakers come to the Bradley Center to take on the Bucks tonight. The Bucks should continue their league leading ability to dominate the glass, even without Joe Smith and Bobby Simmons. Smith is out for 2-3 months with knee surgery, but that just means more time for Bogut and Gadz. Gadz is a rebounding machine and has done very well when called upon this season from the bench. I have a feeling that these 2 players will have good games tonight in another Bucks win.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Not a bad weekend overall

This past weekend saw a lot happen with WI sports, and I'll get to that in a moment. First, the highlight of my weekend was going shopping with my wife. I know that many of you are reading this and thinking I am just pandering to my wife, but I'm not. I have been in a deperate need for a new work wardrobe for a long time. My wife took me clothes shopping as her birthday present to me and it was great as I have absolutely no sense of style. I'm 6'3" and thus have to get big/tall clothing items and our first stop to JCPenny was disheartening to say the least with their poor selection. However, the feeling I got at Eddie Bauer was akin to how the Isrealites of old must have felt upon seeing the Ark of the Covenant for the first time. The heavens parted and a light shown all about the store while angels sang and handed me shirts that fit and looked good and the sales going on there, which resulted in us getting over 50% off 5 real nice dress shirts made me drop to my knees and weep as it was so beautiful. It was great to restock the closet and throw out old crap I don't even wear anymore.

Buckin' good times
The Bucks win games at Washington and home against Orlando. I said time and time again last season that Mo Williams was a good player. Oh and now ESPN on their
Power Rankings (Bucks are 8th) state: "Folks have been excited about Bucks' depth ever since the Magloire trade. That was before anyone had even mentioned Mo Williams and before he started tossing in game-winners." I said it first Marc Stein, take that!

We know what's in the Badgers wallet!
That would be the
Capitol One Bowl on January 2nd on ABC against Auburn. What a fantastic way to end the season for Barry. I'm not going to lie, this is an extremely tough game and the Badgers should be double digit underdogs. Nevertheless, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of this moment and the game itself.

Badger Hockey
This great quote from describes the weekend sweep the #1 Badgers had over the Goophs : "Friday, the Wisconsin Badgers got a monkey off their backs at Mariucci Arena. On Saturday, the Badgers drop-kicked the monkey into the next county." This quote just makes me smile and giggle. Oh and in case anyone is wondering, that would put the Border Battle at 140-100 Advantage: WISCONSIN!

I'll have a comment on their running for the Reggie Bush sweepstakes tomorrow over at The Frozen Tundra.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Bear week

It's Bear week and frankly, I hate the Bears. I hate just about everything about them, their stupid stadium, their smelly fans, don't even get me started about the whole "Super Bowl Shuffle" thing. Even though I live in MN around Viking fans (speaking of smelly), I still hate the Bears far more than the Vikings. Having been born and raised in SE WI, I got more than my fair share of exposure to these vile creatures. They have no respect of what is good in this world. For proof of this, just look at how they treated Payton during their SB win. I want the Packers to not just beat the Bears, but to obliterate them. So there you have my rant about the Bears, and yes, I have issues on this subject. For more Bear/Packer stuff, head on over to The Frozen Tundra for the latest preview with a blogger from the Bears.

In an article over at the Journal Sentinel, it is noted that
the Packers have a hard time covering tight ends. Not that this is a big surprise as the LB are not very good in pass coverage and Roman is terrible as well. As much as I would like the Packers to land Reggie Bush in the draft, AJ Hawk is looking like a better and better choice for this team.