Life is too short to eat fat-free cheese
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Oprah Winfrey - Packer Fan
After yet another horrible loss by the Packers last night,24-34 to the Seahawks. I needed to chat with yet another loyal, famous Packer fan: Oprah Winfrey. So we got together at my place after the game to discuss how the team did and what to do about them:
CC: Thanks for coming by Oprah, I assume your International Foods Coffee is ok.
Oprah: Absolutely Craig. By the way, your place is gorgeous.
CC: Thanks Oprah. So, that was yet another sad loss by the Pack tonight.
Oprah: Oh dear heavens it was. I wrecked at least 5 of my TV's in my 48,000 square foot home.
CC: It sure was frustrating. So, where do the Packers go from here?
Oprah: Well, first off, I need to be put in charge.
CC: Really? You want to run the Packers? What would you do with the team?
Oprah: Yes I do. First off, I fire all the men on the coaching staff and replace them with women of all shapes, sizes and colors. No part of womanhood would be left unrepresented.
CC: Well, that's an interesting first step. Please, go on.
Oprah: Then, I would buy not only the staff, but all the players a new car!
CC: That's... something.
Oprah: I would have the players read books from my book club to help them become better players and people. For the pathetic secondary, I would have them read I Feel Bad About My Neck to help them with their problems of watching the opposing WR run past them.
The front seven would read How Stuff Works so that they see how teams running plays work so that they can stop them from having a RB who has been out most of the year from running over 200 yards against them.
The special teams definately need to read The Best Way to Play. They have been horrific this season and appear to not even be coached. They look like a bunch of Pop Warner kids out there.
For my dear, dear Brett Favre, he would have to read A Fine Balance, that way he can see the difference between forcing a throw to make a big play and just making the play to move the chains.
CC: You would have the team read books from your book club huh? That seemed to work out well with A Million Little Pieces by James Frey didn't it?
Oprah: Real funny Craig.
CC: What about having to deal with all the contracts and agents and stuff?
Oprah: If we win the division, I'd give all the players a new car!
CC: You really like that new car thing don't you?
Oprah: That's what I do. Besides, any agent or player that messed with me with all this holdout and contract nonsense I would flay him on my show and get all of America against him. After all, I AM OPRAH!
CC: Thanks for stopping by Oprah, you're truly an inspriation.
Oprah: Cars for everyone! Wheee!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Things to be thankful for
This Thanksgiving, there is a great amount of things to be thankful for for Cheeseheads.
I'm thankful that I'm not a fan of the other NFC North teams.
Detroit is one of the biggest laughingstocks in the league and are doomed to have crappy teams for the rest of their existence in the league. Along with season tickets, the team sends out brown paper bags for the fans to cover themselves in. The Vikings have no leadership or direction and the fans always puff their chests out each year about how great their team is, only to jump off the bandwagon, usually by midseason when their team puts forth their crappy performance year after year. To be a Bears fan, you have to live in a trailer by the railroad tracks and think that Keystone really is good beer *shudder*.
I'm thankful that the Badgers are an elite football and basketball program.
The football squad is ranked in the Top 10 yet again and are going to yet another New Years Day Bowl game, likely the Capitol One Bowl. The poor saps the Badgers have to play from the SEC will not know what hit them. The basketball team is also ranked in the Top 10 and is a preseason favorite to make the Final Four.
I'm thankful that there is great optimism for the Brewers.
They did finish under .500 last year, but that was with a patchwork PS. Sheets and Ohka stay healthy and with the young kids having another year of experience, the future is bright at Miller Park.
Plus, we have outstanding stadiums to watch all our teams in. Miller Park, Kohl Center, Camp Randall and of course, Lambeau Field; nobody can hold a candle to WI stadiums.
Have a great Thanksgiving all!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Tom Cruise : Packer Fan
After this latest embarrassment by the Packers in their 35-0 drubbing by the Pats, I decided that it was time to ask a famous Packer fan about his thoughts on the game. So I dialed up Tom Cruise at his Italian hotel where he is spending his honeymoon with his new bride, Katie Holmes. Here is our conversation:
CC: Hey Tom, thanks for talking with me today.
Tom: No problem Craig, that was one hell of a loss wasn't it? I had to watch it with my Eyes Wide Shut.
CC: No kidding. How do you deal with it when the Packers play this badly?
Tom: Well, I don't make any noise during or after the Packer game for 1 hour. It's just like the birthing event for my daughter. I watch in complete silence as do all others around me. In fact, I mute the TV as well.
CC: Seriously? That's got to be tough. I mean, I'm yelling and trying not to curse around my kids.
Tom: I know that I am in the Minority Report in regards to that, but I do have a Cocktail or two during the game and that helps.
CC: I see. So what are your thoughts on the Packers this year?
Tom: Well, Brett Favre is obviously still a Top Gun at the QB position, he's a Legend. The Young Guns on the OL and the defense are improving. In fact, I think that Pack are just A Few Good Men away from being a SB contender again. Some may think that dream is a Mission: Impossible, but not me.
CC: You seem really sold on the Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy plan.
Tom: This is Far and Away the best management we have had since Holmgren was here. It was a Risky Business hiring both Thompson and McCarthy, but so far they have made All The Right Moves.
CC: Your optimism is a great inspiration for me, Tom. Thanks.
Tom: You're welcome Craig, anytime. I have to get going on my honeymoon now. Katie is calling and unless I want the Days of Thunder to come and end up having the War of the Worlds, I gotta go.
CC: Say hi to Katie for me and next time you're in Minneapolis, stop on by.
Tom: Absolutely buddy!
Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Cruise - Packer Fan. Tune in next week when we'll hear from another famous Packer fan.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Six Pack is Back
With the big game coming up this weekend, and no, not the Badgers/Buffalo massacre, I figured I would bring back the 6 things to watch for for the Packers/Patriots game.
1 - Favre cannot turn the ball over. It's pretty clear that if Favre throws INTs, the Pack loses. Cannot be on the wrong side of the turnover battle in this one.
2 - Pass rush has to get to Brady. These are not the Pats from their SB days, the WR corps is not a good unit and if you can hurry Brady, he may start to force the issue and the Pack have to capitalize with getting the picks.
3 - McCarthy needs to get better at red-zone play calling. Coming away with FG instead of TD is a sure way to lose a game against the Pats.
4 - The running game needs to get back on track. Have to win the time of possession and this is the way to do it. With or without Tauscher at RT.
5 - Pass protection has to continue it's great streak. Last week the Pack put on a pass protection clinic and if they can continue to give Favre time like that, he'll pick NE apart.
6 - Cannot give up the 40 yd-oops-I-messed-up-my-coverage-TD that they have over the last 2 weeks. Brady will absolutely eat them up if they do that. He can see this far more quickly than Johnson did last week and Brady can eat the Packers DB's up if they play a good game, let alone leave WR uncovered.
I have a feeling that this could be a high-scoring game. Would not be surprised to see a team get 30 points in this one.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
The sweetest win of the year
The Packers come out of the Big Inflatable Toilet with a very solid 23-17 win over the Queens and with it, they have already reached their win total from last year, Yeee-Haw!
There are several reasons for the win today and let's look at all of them in their cheesy glory!
1 - The OL was a stone wall on the Vikings pass rush. They gave Favre all day to throw and simply destroy the Vikings secondary. The numbers don't lie: 347 yards, 2 TD, virtually no pressure and nothing close to an INT.
2 - The Packers pass rush was relentless. It seemed as if everyone was able to get in a shot on Johnson today. They created turnovers and just demolished the vaunted OL of the Vikes. Big games by the LB corps today.
3 - Driver was in that rare zone with Favre where both knew where the holes in the D were and they exploited them to their fullest.
4 - Mike McCarthy outcoached Childress of the Vikes. MM had a great gameplan, stuck with the run even though it wasn't very productive, but in keeping the Vikes D honest Favre was able to throw easier. Remember all the hubbub about when Childress went to MN and the Packer fans were mad that we were "stuck" with MM? (I was not one of them) How many people out there now are still questioning the MM hiring? Not me, we clearly have the better coach and it's not even close.
5 - The Oracle said that they would win, and they did.
Rejoice all ye Packer fans! This team is improving every week, it's clear they are. We are on an upswing as an organization, which I cannot say about the team with the silly purple jerseys we whopped today.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Lee Corso can suck on my cheese balls
All season long, Lee Corso (photo on the right, preparing to suck up to one of his favorite teams) at ABC has railed against the Badgers. He has said that the Badgers do not deserve a high ranking as they did not play Ohio State this year and doesn't care about anything else that the Badgers are doing. Great logic, USC hasn't played them either, but you're willing to sing their praises all day long. Prior to today's game, he was asked who he thought would win, he just said "I really like Iowa in this game". Gave no other reason than that to support his view. Just a loud-mouthed know-nothing who gets national media attention just because he's "entertaining". He's a joke who just hams it up for the home crowd they are at each week and says outrageous things for the sake of doing it. I'm glad UW has stuck it to him time and time again this year.
The Badgers pulled out a close 24-21 win over the evil Hawkeyes. The Badgers D gave up some uncharacteristic big plays, but they nevertheless frustrated Drew Tate(r Tots) for a 10-31 day. No doubt Iowa played with passion today, as a win would have saved their dismal season. But given they loaded up against the run, Tyler Donovan, in his first start for the injured John Stocco shredded the Hawkeyes D and with 228 yds and 2 TD on 17-24 passing to go along with his 61 yards rushing. How good are Badgers that they can beat a team with a winning record with their backup QB?
Great job by Bielema to rest Stocco if he didn't need to play. In fact, I wouldn't be too surprised if Stocco was saved until the Capitol One Bowl game in January as the Badgers get the lowly Buffalo, err Buffalos next week at Camp Randall.
Judging by all the losses in the top 11, with 5 teams losing, the Badgers could very well jump to possibly #11 themselves in the newest polls. This Badger team could go down as one of the best ones ever when all is said and done. They are now 10-1 and have a shot at 11 regular season wins for the first time.
Friday, November 10, 2006
This is it
The Badgers head off to Iowa and face the Hawkeyes (6-4) in their final Big Ten game of the season. This is a huge game as the Badgers are 0-4 in their last 4 meetings against them and a win tomorrow would make the Capitol One Bowl a stone cold lock.
The Hawkeyes have an average defense that has the ability to completely break down at any given time. Many Hawkeye fans realize that their Def Coord is behind the times and don't care for him. Thier offense is nothing special either and the Badgers D should have some good success in holding the Hawkeyes in check.
The big question mark is at QB for the Badgers though. John Stocco is apparently a game-time decision and this is going to make things interesting. With a healthy Stocco, this offense can explode at any time. With Tyler Donovan at QB, the WI offense has to be more run oriented and a bit more predictable. Tyler can run better than Stocco, but he's no Troy Smith Juice Williams or anything like that.
I would expect that Stocco will start if he is able to, but that the run will be heavily emphasized. Look for PJ Hill to get a lot of carries and for the Badgers to go for a ball-control heavy offense. I say the Badgers win by 13 in a low scoring game.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Top 10 Reasons for a Packer win against MN
Even though the Bills loss stings me like... a stingy thing does, I am still not giving up on the Pack. Not when the opponents are the Minnesota Vikings this week. Rivalry games are always great and this week is a desparate week for both teams. So today I am doing a complete 180 from yesterday's post. Let's review why the Packers will win this game.
10 - The Vikings offense is horrible and couldn't even come close to scoring more than 3 points against the woeful San Fran D.
9 - The Vikes new unis are silly looking, and silly looking teams don't win football games.
8 - The Packers new running attack will continue it's success and wear down the Viking defenders.
7 - The toughest guy the Vikes have is their mascot, Ragnar. He was seen crying while watching the Oxygen network this week.
6 - It bears repeating, the Vikings offense is horrible.
5 - The Packers DB's will eat up the Vikes so-called WR corps.
4 - Ryan Longwell will realize he loves the Pack too much and will intentionally miss the game winning FG.
3 - God hates the Vikings and loves the Packers.
2 - Even though the Packers have lacked that killer instinct, the Vikes don't have it either.
1 - Come on, it's the frickin' Vikings.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
No winning instinct
I haven't written about the Packers' embarrassment from Sunday against the Bills as whenever I tried, I got too pissed off and stopped. Whether it was Brett having a ball snapped off his face, or 2 completely ill-advised throws to a covered Donald Driver on a quick slant, or the defense just giving up after that 2nd INT, it just all did me in.
It's the 3rd game this year where the Packers should have won and didn't. The Packers lack that something that winning teams have. Some may say it's experience or talent. I say it's this: killer instinct. For example:
End of the 2nd Q, Packers driving and have a first and goal from the 5 with 10 seconds left. Wells snaps the ball to Favre who is simply looking to the right. He's not calling a play or shouting instructions, and the ball goes right off his face mask because he's not paying attention. The rest of the offense moved at the snap except for Favre.
Start of the 3rd Q, the Pack have busted off some huge runs, but then decide to quit running the ball, and 3 incompletions later, waste an opportunity inside Buffalo territory.
4th Q, the Packers D has owned the Bills offense all day. They have forced a 2nd and 20. Inexplicably, the secondary (Al Harris and the safety) do not cover Lee Evans, Buffalo's best WR and thus, a TD is scored.
4th Q, the Packers had been running the ball at will against the Bills in the 3rd and 4th Q. They had a first and goal at the one. The killer instinct would have been to give the ball to Green, step on the Bills throats and score the TD to tie the game. Instead, they step off of the Bills and call a foolish pass play that turned out to be the finishing blow against the Pack.
Time and time again, the team had prime opportunities to score points, and failed. The defense, while very good all day, failed miserably in the 4th Q, when the team needed them most. Some of it is play calling, other times it's miserable execution. But you don't see good teams meltdown like this as often as the Packers do. It's not as easy as just blaming the overall youth of the Packers, as the young kids did well enough. Simply put, the Packers don't know how to win right now, and it's showing.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Yeah, I'm sure this title will be used by a lot of other posts about the Badgers 13-3 win over Penn State, but I like it anyway.
This Badger defense is incredibly good. Say what you will about the level of competition, but they are dominating that competition. The PSU offense did nothing all day.
The offense did a fine job moving the ball and keeping the Badger D rested. PJ Hill had another solid day and showed why he is going to be a Heisman candidate next season. The injury to Stocco is very concerning though. I think there was no reason to call for that pass play that knocked him out of the game. The Badgers just needed to run the ball and take time off the clock. Why throw on 1st down? Bielema is going to be kicking himself for that move and will likely get an earfull from Barry during their Monday walks that they have. Hopefully Stocco is not seriously hurt, but I have a feeling this is not good.
Next week is the final Big Ten game against Iowa. Even if Stocco is unable to play, I expect the Badgers to roll over the Hawkeyes. The Hawkeyes D is terrible and the team is unravelling this year. A win next week solidifies the Capitol One Bowl for the Badgers.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Bucks start strong
The Bucks manhandled the Detroit Pistons in their opener last night 105-97. Did I mention this was at Detroit? Against the team marked to possibly contend for the Eastern Conference and NBA title? Bogut was brilliant and is showing why he was the #1 pick last season now that he is in his proper position. Mo Williams played his usual turnover-free game. Villanueva gets 16 pts and 12 rebounds which is exactly why the Bucks traded Ford for him, a solid inside presence to compliment Bogut. Then there is Michael Redd, the scoring machine. The man drops 37 on a defensive-minded team on 63% shooting, that's all that needs to be said. Just a great showing all around.
The Bucks are being picked to be in the cellar of the division and I have seen 1 writer out of about 20 pick them to be the #8 seed in the playoffs. This is hogwash. These Bucks are going to surprise a lot of writers this year and be the #6 seed at least. I don't think a 46-36 record is out of the question for this year. This team is arguably better at every position than they were last year. It's all about staying healthy this season and living up to their potential. Last night was simply a great start.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Tony Romo is a Demon
Some may wonder why I am plugging a Dallas Cowboy QB of all people on the Oracle of Cheese. They say "Hey, he's a stinking Cowboy! He's one step short of a Bear, Viking or pondscum!" or "He's a one game wonder. He'll never make it as a legit starter in the NFL."
I put him on as I want to point out his bio on the Cowboys website (you'll have to actually click on his name for a pop-up window). Go ahead and open it and read it and come back here, I'll wait.
Ok, are you done reading it now? (and checking out the cheerleading squad) If so, you would have seen that he is from Burlington High School in Burlington, WI (the Demons). Coincidentally, this is my hometown and high school. Not too often does a kid from a town of 10,000 people make it in the NFL, let alone become a starting QB for a high-profile team. Damn proud of this. The Oracle is officially cheering for Tony to make it big in the NFL. He certainly seems to have the tools to be successful. And no, I don't know him as I graduated many years prior to him.
You may now return to the Cowboys site and view the swimsuit calendar, and you're welcome for the link.
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