It's gonna be a good weekend

Sure, the Badgers are going to kick the snot out of Indiana tomorrow to go 5-0 on the season; the Brewers are going to take 2 of 3 from Pittsburgh and finish the season over .500, and I get to go apple picking with my kids tomorrow. The highlight of my weekend is that I get to attend the Twin Cities Marathon. The last point needs some explanation. My wife is running in the 10 mile portion for the first time. She has started running as part of her exercise routine and has lost a bunch of weight this summer, which was her main goal. She will admit herself that she never thought she could be a runner and has surprised herself how well she has done. I could not be more proud of her. I'll be there with my kids along the race course cheering her on and at the finish line. The rest of the sports world can be put on hold. I get to watch my wife complete the biggest personal accomplishment since we've been together for the last 10 years. That's what's going to be the best part of my weekend.

Mr. Crankbutt: 2 for 1 special

Mr. Crankbutt has decided to grace us with his presence after a long hiatus. Some issues have come up and he's had enough and must enlighten us with his wisdom.

Iowa Hawkeye Stadium
What the hell is this all about? So the visitors locker room is painted pink, what the hell is the friggin' big deal? This Jill Gaulding is simply looking for personal fame and notoriety, plain and simple. She says this is demeaning to women, pray tell how is that exactly? Are there pictures of naked women all around the locker room? Are there pornos being played on TV's throughout the locker room? Are the visiting team's women trainers required to dress in thong bikinis? Have there been any issues with the players treating women poorly as a direct or indirect result of being exposed to a pink room that they spend at most 5 hours in? There is nothing offensive about this. Is she now going after all the children's clothing makers for making the majority of little girls clothes pink? How about the nursery sets that are made, they must be offensive under this logic. What about Pepto Bismol? That's pink, it must be offensive to women. With all the things going on in life, her biggest issue is a damn pink room for football players.

Motorcycle convoys
Why is it that when a bunch of idiots on motorcycles get together, the rules of the road are no longer applicable? I'm going through my hometown, it's a small town of about 10,000. There is a small motorcycle rally going on. Upon reaching a 4 way stop intersection. I have to wait as the 36 motorcycles all ignore the stop sign and just go through the intersection. The worst part? The cops do nothing to stop this. Nothing! A convoy of classic cars do not have these same "rights" to ignore traffic laws. Cops would bust them in a heartbeat if 30 cars ran a stop sign. I keep seeing the stupid bumper stickers and billboards about how motorcycles have the same rights as cars. But if you get a couple of motorcyclists together, they have a license to ignore the traffic laws, with the full blessing of law enforcement. Now this is mostly to the non-crotch rocket variety of motorcycle that this applies to, mind you. Why this double standard is out there is beyond me. You get this many crotch rockets doing this and they are considered dangerous, but Harley riders are something to be admired? The cops want to let them do this, treat them like a funeral procession and have the cops escort them through town. This whole tolerance of their blatant disregard for the law is a joke.

Finally...

The Brewers get over .500 by winning 5 of their last 6. They get 2 more at home against the Reds, then finish the year on the road with a 3 game series at Pittsburgh, which has not been the kindest place for them over the years. I'm still confident they can go 3-2 over these games, giving them an 82-80 season. I know there are some fans that really don't care if they finish over .500 or not and that they want a team that can compete for the wild card or division title. I want this as well, but you gotta take the steps to get there. Mentally, this does a world of good for the team to accomplish this. Celebrate the accomplishments they acheive, just like one does with their kids. I know, I'm counting my chickens before they hatch, but dammit, I'm excited.

This morning it was dark and rainy here in the Twin Cities. To me, there is nothing better than waking up at 6:30am, hearing the rain, then going back to sleep for a little longer. I had one of my better drives in to work this morning. Rainy, cloudy days just do it for me as I'm going to be in a good mood for today. Unless some dumb-ass comes along at work here and ruins it...

All Tied Up

I said it 2 months ago that the Brewers would finish above .500 and with a better record than the Twins. Today, both teams are at .500 with 6 games to go. That's right, the "lowly" Brewers are dead even with the 3-time defending AL Central Champion "mighty" Twins. I know, the seasons not over yet, but I'm feeling pretty good about this. Brewer fans gotta love the Capellan-Turnbow combo for next season to close out games.

EDIT: I have my Packer report card over at The Frozen Tundra, feel free to comment there or here on it.

2 Out Of 3 Ain't Bad

Bucky
What a hell of a comeback against the Wolverines! There are just so many superlatives that can be said about Brian Calhoun. There is much said in the media that the Badgers are relying on him too much and he will wear down as the season goes on. Calhoun's response is that since he sat out last year, he should have plenty of energy this year. Love it. The defense once again comes through. This team is looking real good right now and should kick the crap out of Indiana this coming weekend. Only 9 more wins for a Rose Bowl victory!

Brewers
A nice series win against the Cardinals. They are guaranteed a 10 game increase in wins from last season already, with the probability of making it 15 by the end of the season. That would be huge for this organization that has nothing but upside right now.

Packers
A tough loss to a tough opponent. They had their chances to win, but for the first time in a very long time, Longwell did not come through. He is not completely to blame *cough* Favre's 3 picks *cough* though, there's enough of that to go around. I'll put some more thoughts down tomorrow at the Tundra.

Go Badgers!

Kick the Wolverines @$$!

Final Westwood Recap: Van Halen Edition

Tuesday night was our final game of the season against the Slackjawed Yokels and the anti-Westwoodie rules were in full effect to stave off our dominance. There was a white line drawn in the outfield that was about 40 feet from the infield and we could not Jump past that line into the deeper part of the outfield until the pitch was thrown. When informed of this, we asked "Where's the love?" The umpire simply replied "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love. Now get out there." Well, this new tactic was successful in the first inning as 2 balls were hit over CC's head in RF. The beloved Westwoodies came back in the bottom of the first when the offense became Unchained. The Westwoodies had hits all over the place and were free to Runaround the bases. There was Dancing in the Street over this 11 run outburst. The Yokels were Black And Blue from diving after the sharply hit balls. It was a close contest the rest of the way as the score was tied going into the bottom of the 7th. The umpire then yelled "Right Now, per Panama rules, all 14 Yokels can play in the field!" The crowd was livid as were the Westwoodies. Needless to say, the game ended in a tie as the time limit expired. The Yokels shouted "Finish What Ya Started!" But even the umpire could not continue the game as another game had to start. Just then, the Ice Cream Man came by and the crowd cheered. A large line formed as Everybody Wants Some. Our captain asked me if I was going to have any. I stated that I'll Wait as I have some Poundcake at home.

So our last game ended in a tie, but we still won the fall league season with a 5-0-1 record. Overall our team went 16-8-1 including the summer league and tournaments. Your very own CC batting stats were a .597 avg and an slugging percentage of .708 with 23 RBI. I gotta work on my power hitting for next year. Maybe a hitting instructor would be good, maybe Team USA's women softball phenom Jenny Finch could help? Definately Hot For Teacher then. Oh man, my wife's gonna kill me for this one...

Grog Blog

With the strike finally over, Grog is back to bringing his road report for the Brewers. This is Grog's next to last report as the Brewers will be ending the season with only 1 more road trip to Pitts as the next 9 games are all at home. As I stated a few days ago, Grog apparently knows something about the latest meltdown in Houston. Let's see what he has to say.

Arizona
Why stupid Cheesehead send Grog to middle of Arizona in summer? Grog too hot there. Grog watching game and beer evaporate from mug it so hot. It so hot Grog even have camel ask him for drink. It so hot Grog even see car melt in parking lot. It so hot Grog get brats raw at stand, by time get to seat they cooked. It so hot... All right Grog, that's enough!

Houston
Grog was so happy to get out of Arizona and with Brewer 14-2 win, Grog go out drinking before first game in Houston. Grog walking to ballpark when see pretty black cat. Grog lure cat to him with leftover chicken wing, catch cat and have good snack. Old lady scream at Grog that it her cat. Lady see Brewer jersey on Grog and curse Brewers that will not win any games in Houston. Grog not know that cat belong to voodoo lady from Bayou. She there because of hurricane. Sorry guys, my fault Brewers do so bad.

Silver Linings

Once again I have my Packer musings over at The Frozen Tundra for your viewing pleasure. You can click the title of this post to be beamed over there, or the link in the previous sentence.

Bad link of the day
Whatever you do, don't click on this link. I mean it! It's simply too much! I cannot believe that I am even putting this on my site!

Billy Idol Rocks!

If you are wondering about today's blog title and confused, I will happily explain. On Friday, I was informed by Jack FM that I had won 2 Billy Idol tickets for his show at 8pm at the Myth nightclub. At first I wasn't sure if I was going to go, but after getting my friend Owen to go with me, I was glad I did. Idol played for about 1.5 hours and the show was awesome. The man can still bring it at 50 years old and the crowd was into the show the entire time. Obviously, the 80's hits were the most cheered for, but his new stuff was pretty good also. The place exploded when he yelled "Are you ready for your Rebel Yell!!!" He turned this into an 8 minute version of the song. I thought that the show had reached it's climax at that point. Then Owen reminded me that "Mony Mony" had not been played yet. Billy saved this 12-15 minute jam session for the last song. It started out with a great drum solo with a fantastic guitar duel in the middle. Hey, I know he's not The Boss, but dammit, it was a kick-ass show.

Edit: I forgot to add that this outstanding night was capped off by a run to White Castle.

Brew Crew
They sure picked a crappy time for the offense to go away. That was one ugly hitting series against Houston. Rumor is Grog knows something about it. We'll have to wait and see.

Bucky F'n Badger
A very tough win on Saturday against North Carolina. The Tar Heels have a darn impressive defense and had several opportunites to win this game. The Badger defense was up to the task and held the Heels to 3 points on offense. They beat the living daylights out of their QB and sent a message to their opponents that this defense is for real. There was a lot of speculation in the offseason that the Badger defense was not going to be very good this year given they lost 8 starters including all 4 of thier DL (all NFL draftees). Bielma's done a hell of a job with this unit and it makes me so happy that he will be succeeding Alvarez after this season. This Saturday's game against MI is going to be outstanding.

Tomorrow you can check out my thoughts on the Packer game over at The Frozen Tundra.

The Fab Five

It's back! The fun part of this blog where I get to see what other blogs in Bloggerdom are out there (so you don't have to) and as always, make fun of them. I'm currently on some good allergy meds so I'm feeling gooooooood.

You're My Everything
Deep thoughts from a highschooler. You know like "what if we're just an atom on some giant's fingernail". Also, who knew song lyrics were so deep and meaningful, espcially from bands nobody has heard of... Wow man... Oh, and the music that plays is like something from an 80's Commodore 64 game.

Suicide No Diet
This guy claims that he has a lot in common with Winston Churchill, but also has just finished watching all 9 seasons of the X-Files and is proud of it. Let's see: one one hand one of the great world leaders and diplomats of all time and on the other, a guy who cannot wait for an anal probe so that he can meet Scully. I can see the connection.

Bad Beats Happen
A poker blog. A very detailed minute-by-minute blog about this guy's last game. I thought golf on TV was boring. Reading about someone playing poker, no analysis, just card-by-card just about ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Acushnet Junior High School Class Reunion
Yep, a site about a Junior High class reunion. I mean come on! I can understand high school reunions and even college ones, but junior high? Who seriously gives a flip about someone from back in 7th grade? If you gotta go back that far for glory days, you need help.

Passez Dans Ma Tete
A French blog zat iz zo vundervel. Zere iz this how you say, man, who lives in ze Quebec, Canada. He haz theez pic-chair of Brad Pitt from ze Fight Club and when he cannot sleep, he theenks of him. Whuh unh unh..

Packers
I got my new article over on the The Frozen Tundra, it's not much, just the Packers/Browns preview and prediction, so enjoy.

Brew Crew
The Brewers laid some wood on the Diamondbacks to get back to .500 with a 14-2 whipping. You can just feel that they are going to finish with a winning record for the year.

F 'em Bucky!
The Badgers travel to North Carolina this weekend to face the Tar Heels. The game will not be the blowout last week was, but they should still handily win and continue their march to a Big 10 championship and the Rose Bowl.

Top 10 list of the day

10 things to say when caught sleeping at your desk.

10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."
9. This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to handle that big accounting problem."
3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"
2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"
1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus name, Amen."

Brew Crew
Tough loss last night in 12 innings for the Brewers as they failed again to get over the .500 mark. Taking today's game will get them with the series win and back to .500. Just win the series the rest of the way out, and I'll be happy.

.500!

It's been a while, but the Brewers are back at .500. I know that there are some out there in MN who do not think this is much of an accomplishment. For the Brewers, it is. With 18 games left, they have a great shot at finishing above .500 for the first time since Bush Sr. was president, Rubix cubes were cool and Brett Favre was on the Falcons. In fact, I don't think the Brewers have been over .500 since Brett's been a Packer. That's amazing.

Flag Football

Go ahead and click on the title of this post and that will magically take you to the land of The Frozen Tundra where you can read my lastest Packer musings.

Too much stuff

Just a whole lot went on this past 4-5 days. I went to Ashland for the funeral of one of my best friend's dad on Thursday and Friday. Then I was back in Burlington, WI this weekend to help my parents move (and see my dad, just had to after the previous 2 days). So I watched the Packer game there then came home at 1am after a 6hr drive and had to unload the snowblower he gave me and do a bunch of stuff and I ended up getting in bed at 2am. So I'm a bit overwhelmed and just tired here, but I'll do my best.

Badgers
Holy crap what an asswhipping! Biggest blowout of the modern era for the Badgers. Granted, Temple is just plain awful, but it's good to see the defense get a lot of confidence out of that game. Plus, the backups on both O and D got a lot of action and they all looked good. Next victim is North Carolina. This should be a great test to see how good the Badgers are. I expect the Badgers to win though. Only 11 more wins to a Rose Bowl championship!

Packers
Just a horribly bad game by the offense. The defense looked good for most of the game, but simply could not stop the Lions at the very end. I'll have more at the Frozen Tundra tomorrow.

Brewers
Only 2.5 games back from the Twinkies and 1 below .500! Nervous yet SBG?

The New Alert System

New Word Day

NEW WORDS FOR 2005: Essential additions to the workplace vocabulary.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a Cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMS: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage). What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a Cube Farm.

Whole lotta info going on

Several items on the plate today so let's dig into the buffet that awaits us.

Happy Anniversary Rachel! Today is my 8th Anniversary to my wonderful wife. She has been an answer to all my prayers and has made me a better man. She is a fantastic mother to my children and I am looking forward to all the adventures that we still have to go in this life together. She has been an inspriation to me and to this day I still have no idea how in the hell I conned her into marrying me. Love you sweetheart!

As you can see, I changed the look of the site a bit, mostly just the colors to Packer colors and moved the pictures around, plus I added the Badgers schedule and I'll have links to all the stats from the games as they happen. I think it looks better, hope you agree.

Backyard Border Battle
Slackjawed Shane and I took a drive down to Bloomington for event #6: Minigolf! We decided that The Links at Dred Scott was a fine place to wage this latest battle. Yes, that is the name of the place and no, I have no idea why they named it that. The squeaky-voiced 16 year old at the booth was no help.

This was another close battle between the 2 of us. Shane streaked to an early 4 stroke lead after 3 holes by using his watch to reflect the sun into my eyes. I came back to lead by 1 after 6 holes with my sweet swing and polarized sunglasses. Coming out of the front 9, I had a 2 stroke lead and Shane was on his wife's cell phone with the pro at the Minneapolis County Club to see what he could do to help him. Shane was able to tie the score up after 13 holes and took the lead by one on 15 when Shane yelled "Is that Daisy Fuentes over there?" right as I was about to putt. Dirty, but good strategy on his part. However, Shane was no match for me come crunch time. With pinpoint putting I tied the score on 16 then took the lead on 17 by one stroke. Shane started sending smoke signals in the vain hope that help would arrive, but alas, he was mistaken. We tied on 18 and a 4-2 lead in this best of 9 series was granted to myself. A 3 event run has vaulted me into the lead with Chess, Irish Horshoes and Bowling left to play. The sure money is on the Cheesehead, folks as one more win by me and the BBB Cup is mine!

Packers
First off, my latest offering is over at The Frozen Tundra and to give you the summary, I pick the Packers to go 9-7 with an outside shot at 10-6, but just as likely 8-8. If you think this team will do better state your case there or here.

Secondly, if I can get all James Lipton here, I was introduced to the greatest website in the history of the universe this weekend. It is simply Cheesehead University, the definative source of Cheeseheadness. I encourage everyone who wants to improve the quality of their life, to read this site. I have been asked to be a visiting professor at the CU, so look for my addition to the site shortly in the future.

Badgers
Dear heavens that was one wild game. I don't expect the Badgers to run that well all season long, but it's good to know that they can whip out the lumber and simply run over people. Granted, the Badgers defense was horrible, but hey, what do you expect with 8 new starters on D? Especially against that offense, I'm surprised the Badgers didn't do worse. Bielema will get that turned around. Only 12 more wins and the Rose Bowl will be Bucky's again!

Brewers
I said back on July 28 that the Brewers would end up with a better record than the Twins. At that time, the Brewers were 5 games back from the Twins and I got some flak from Twins fans. Right now, they have widdled the lead to 4.5 games. With 24 games to go, it's getting interesting.

Sad Heart

I just found out that one of my best friend's, Murph, dad died today. He lives by Biloxi, MS and died in an accident while cleaning up after the hurricane. Murph and I have been friends since our 2nd year of college and I was best man at his wedding. I've met his dad on many occassions and always thought of him as, well, a really cool dad. That's the best way I can describe him as I feel that is the best complement I can give. My heart goes out to you buddy...

Backyard Border Battle: 80's One Hit Wonder Edition

Believe It Or Not, last night Shane and I had the rematch of event #5, Stratego, you know the game that states It Takes Two to play. Given how Hot, Hot, Hot I was in the first game, I just knew that I had to Relax and I would win. Shane was talking trash so I told him "Bring your weak-ass game and I'll Whip It!" When setting up my pieces I could feel that Somebody's Watching Me. I turned and looked and it was my son who started reaching for pieces and I told him "Keep Your Hands To Yourself!" The game was a see-saw affair that suddenly turned to my favor as Shane exclaimed "Major Tom, we have a problem" when he saw he was going to lose. Shane actually conceded when he realized he was not going to win, thus giving him Shattered Dreams of winning the Border Battle, even though winning was just a Fantasy anyway. I told Shane, Don't Worry Be Happy and I proceeded to Bust A Move with the Curly Shuffle. Don't worry, I followed the Politics Of Dancing. After the game, Shane admitted that I had actually won the first game by eliminating all of his movable pieces, thus proving that I can beat Shane Nite And Day. I am now up 3-2 in the Battle with mini-golf the next event. A 4-2 lead is all but assured for me and a runaway romp in the Battle.

Brew Crew
How sweet was it that the future of the Brewers infield for many years came through with 3 2 run HRs yesterday in a 6-5 win! Weeks, Hardy and Fielder all came through big for the Crew. Fielder's was a monstrous 400 ft + shot to right center for the win. I could get used to games like this.

Say a Prayer

I remember this spring I saw a special on New Orleans on PBS. They were showing how the city dealt with heavy rains and such. It was also shown how the city was very much in trouble should a big hurricane hit it. They explained the levees and the pumps but also noted that much of the reefs (for lack of a better word) off the coast and such had disappeared over the last 30 years that would weaken a hurricane and provide relief from storm surges. New Orleans is essentially in a dry sink with rivers, lakes and the gulf all around it. Should these have flooded, the city was in serious danger as the water had no place to go other than inside of NO. I remember saying to my wife and several co-workers at the time "Well, too bad I never got a chance to visit NO as it's going to wash away, it will be our Venice" as I was so convinced at the time that it was going to happen someday. It happened a lot sooner than I thought it would and I'm a little embarassed by my comments from months ago. This city is absolutely destroyed, in fact, I would be amazed if its not just abandoned. I just cannot see how this city can be rebuilt to even a shadow of it's former self with the issues on flooding that they have. Today, just say a prayer for the people who have lost more than many Americans have in a long time.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Last night was event #5 of the Backyard Border Battle between myself and my neighbor, Shane. Stratego was the name of the game, and it ended up in a friggin' tie. Yep, we played for about an hour and ended up tied. The worst part is that I had Shane beat, he had one movable piece left and I had 4. I only had one miner as did he. He made a suicide attack with his miner and managed to take out my last miner. Given his flag was surrounded by mines, I could do nothing but accept a tie. We even played outside, in the dark with a lantern to give it the true backyard feel to it. I was just disgusted at the result and mad at myself in letting it happen. A rematch will happen soon and victory will be mine.

The Frozen Tundra
The former Packer Punchline at the Most Valuable Network has now changed names to The Frozen Tundra and I have posted my latest offering here. I hope you enjoy it as I do my best to be as honest and fair as I can on that site. The link is also to the right under Packer links.

Torn Sheets

Ben Sheets is out for the season, and the Brewers lose their ace for the 2nd time this season for a month. He is going to be replaced in the rotation by Justin Lehr, so there is a bit of a drop-off in quality there. This does dim the hopes of the Crew not only getting over .500, but beating the Twins record as I had claimed. However, it's going to be the offense that accomplishes this for the Brewers and that is the key to the end of the season. Thank goodness that Brady Clark is back in CF. Time to make a run boys!

Grog Strike

Well, I cannot believe this, Grog has actually gone on strike. Turns out he has some damn NWA Mechanics Union rep giving him some advice. Grog apparently met him during his many travels while following the Crew this summer. What's this? I have been handed a list of Grog's demands for a contract negotiation? I'm not putting this on the blog, Grog. What, you will? OK fine go ahead you 40,000 year old goomba.

Ahem, here is list of Grog demands for the mean Cheesehead Craig:

1. Grog demand at least 12 pancakes for breakfast with 6 pieces of sausage of both link and patty 4 times a week.
2. Grog want 45" Plasma TV and PS2.
3. Grog want hair cuts and waxing to be reimburseable.
4. Grog demand 30 minutes of cuddle time with Rachel every day.
5. Grog gets to immediately be part of the Backyard Border Battle with Shane and CC, with the winner getting Shane's cats.
6. Grog want crushed velvet smoking jacket.

Until these demands are met, Grog no write for Oracle of Cheese.

Let's take a look at this list Grog. First point: you have to discuss the breakfasts with Rachel. I know she loves you and that one might happen. Second: no chance on the TV and PS2, I don't even have a TV that nice so no chance you will get that. Third : have you seen how hairy you are? That alone costs more than the Plasma TV so no. Fourth: you don't have a prayer in the world on that one. Fifth: Sorry, the BBB is already in progress and frankly, Shane is scared of you and would never agree to wager his beloved cats that he loves more than his sacred Vanilla Coke. Six: You don't smoke so why would you need a smoking jacket? Well, if that will shut you up I guess we can do that. How does this sound?

No good. Must give me all demands, most of all #4. You say Rachel love me? She love me! She love me!

That's not what I meant and you know it! Oh crap, now I have some big foreheaded freak thinking he's MC Hammer dancing around my basement. I thought something was going on, so I made a contingency plan. Hey Grog, how does a nice big plate of steaming pork chops sound?

Pork Chops? Grog smell pork chops! Give Grog pork chops and all demands dropped.

There we go. That labor dispute is over. I wrote a guest column over on Cheer or Die's site, listing my Top 10 reasons the Vikings won't win the division (let alone the Super Bowl). Have a great weekend everyone!

Franks and Beans

Mike Sherman gets a 2 year extention with the Pack. Frankly, this is a good move and well deserved. Sherman has a regular season record of 53-27 (.663 winning percentage) over the last 5 seasons. Sherman was willing to back down from his 5 yr extention demand for guaranteed money. He's a very good offensive coach and has done a great job in that regard. Now for him to get some post-season success and show what a good coach he can be with not having the GM duties weighing him down.

Also in Packer news, Bubba Franks signs a 5 yr/$28M deal. This is awesome. I love Bubba, he's one of the best red zone threats in the game as he has a great connection with Favre. He has lost some weight to get quicker and become more of a downfield threat. He has been a wonderful TE over the years and I am thrilled that he is going to be virtually finishing his career with the Packers. Plus, I just love that the Packers have a player named Bubba on their team.

Grog will be giving his report tomorrow as he was in no condition to write last night after a party at Prince's house.

Westwood Recap: Stones Edition

Well, the summer league ended on Monday night with a 20-10 Westwood win, thus ending that part of our season 8-4. I was out of town for that game, however, I was able to play in the doubleheader against Harmon Autoglass last night.

The games started out on a Ruby Tuesday in front of 15 fans all in attendance for SS Matt Thomas bobblehead night. His wife, Angie, was the most vocal fan at the game as Wild Horses could not drag her away. I thought for sure this week's bobblehead would be about yours truly, but You Can't Always Get What You Want. As everybody knows, mechanics are a bunch of cheats and Harmon did not disappoint as has been the case with every opponent of the Westwoodies. Every inning they tacked on extra runs to their score (which they did not score) which called for muliptle delays as they would get no Satisfaction with playing by the rules. In fact their claiming of 47 imaginary runs Shattered the previous league record.

The Westwoodies jumped out to an early 6-0 lead in the opening game thanks to a clutch 2 run single by CC that would Start Me Up for what turned out to be a great 2 game series. A highlight reel defensive gem was turned in by CC when tagging out a runner who took too big of a turn around 1st base and was tagged out with the ball Under My Thumb. The player looked at me and I said "Did you think I would Miss You?" The Westwoodies were buoyed by this superhuman feat which caused a rucus by the opposing players yelling profusely. CC simply yelled back "Hey, Get Off My Cloud, it was a good play." The Westwoodies went on to a 12-9 victory, much to the happiness of all the Honky Tonk Women in attendance.

Game two showed that the Westwoodies would Not Fade Away by putting together one of their best defensive efforts of the summer. A 6-4-3 double play was turned at a crucial time that was a sweet as Brown Sugar. That was when Harmons knew It's All Over Now. Westwood cruised to a 10-5 victory and in the Undercover Of The Night, went to the Park Tavern to celebrate a well deserved sweep. CC was heard exclaiming when drinking a beer "She's So Cold, but this tastes great!". Also in attendance was Harmon's, drinking lots of alcohol for their Emotional Rescue.

Thanks for showing up today. I hope that Grog has his road report ready for tomorrow. Until then!

Weekend Bonus

I posted an article over at Packer Punchline (yes, I'm still working on the title) on the MVN. Feel free to check it out.

The Fab Five

I'll get into the Packers at another time, as I am off again this weekend and back Wednesday next week. This month has been about as goofy as can be for me. So, I'll bust out an edition of the Fab Five for your literary delight. Come Wednesday next week, I'll have sports for you. Promise.

Laboratorio do Luiscaz
This spanish site is about Luis and Lucas, two wild and crazy guys, who are experimenting with trying to make themselves into werewolves. So far, they've got some shag carpeting and a shitload of crazy glue.

Fun Hobby Blog
Ok, this blog is about coin collecting. Or I should say, a site to link you to sites about coin collecting. I can just see the comments now: "Hey Tad, I found a wheat penny! Can you believe it!" "I can't Gerald, I've been trying to find one since stardate 4587.26"

Diskoballs
Hey now, this is a site I can get into. A site about disco balls. I think I'll get one for my living room. I'll be the party house of the neighborhood. There will be people doing the hustle all night long. Wait a sec, this site isn't about them, it's just some stupid spanish site. Oh crap.

Crooked Road
Site by a lady who is an artiste and is far more intelligent, interesting and wears more black than anyone. Go ahead and ask her, she'll agree.

Diary of a Nerd
Yep, it's a nerd with a blog, I know it's shocking, but true. This particular nerd is lamenting how annoyed he is with the party going on in his dorm last night and how loud it is. However, 2 drunk girls get into his room, and sufficeth to say, he is no longer a nerd but a man. He is currently working on a new title for his site.

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there

Back from the Boundry Waters and I had an incredible time. The trip was more fun and relaxing than I thought possible. Now for a quick recap of my trip:

I went up with my best friends Gabe and Murph, another friend Bob, Gabe's mom Helen and her best friend Sue. Helen and Sue have gone up there every year for the last 20 years or so. Helen is a phenominal cook and proved it once again with meals of shrimp jambalaya (2x), chicken soup with dumplings, chili, biscuits with sausage gravy, pancakes with fruit toppings, brownies, peach crisps with freshly picked blueberries on top... needless to say, we ate real good. Gabe and Bob have been up there about 20 times between the two of them as well. So we were with some very knowledgeable people.

We started out going on the Moose River to Nina Moose Lake. Our starting point is marked with the red pin at the bottom of the map. We had a 160 rod portage to carry the canoes and packs to start with to get to the river. A rod is 17 feet, so I had about 900 yards to carry a canoe by myself on my shoulders along a dirt path with roots and rocks springing up from all over. River paddling can be both fun and infuriating at the same time. Going out from the portage to the lake with the current was not too bad. The worst part is when the weeds come right up to the surface and you are putting a hell of a lot of effort into paddling, but the weeds slow your progress to a crawl.

We then went out of Agnes (middle bottom of the above map) and through the Nina Moose River and over 3 beaver dams. Yes, we had to get out, step into the river, and get the canoe over the dam. I even created a lower area over one of the dams so that our other canoe and those people that were behind us could just sail their canoes over the dam and not get out and get their feet, socks and boots soaked. (I know, I'm a great guy) We had to go over several other portages varying in distances from 30 rods to 90 rods. We then continued onto Lake Agnes to our campsite. About 3/4 of the way up the map there is a spur that comes out on the right, the red dot directly on the left hand shore is where we stopped and camped for the next 2 days. I was an incredible site with a great swimming hole. It took us about 4 hours to get to that site. There was an eagle who decided to watch us for the better part of our first day there.


We then did a quick 2 hour trip to Lac La Croix to the Boulder Bay site which if you follow the yellow triangles to the north of the lake and extrapulate the angle, the red dot would be that site. This site was awesome. It not only had a great swimming hole, but it had a nice rock spur out into the lake that had a great view of the northern and western sky. On Wednesday night, Gabe and myself went out to the point and watched the Perseid Meteor shower for about an hour. Then on Friday night we went back out again with Murph as that was the pinnacle of the shower. We saw meteors that were streaking through the sky that were as bright as fireworks. Then the big attraction occurred, the Northern Lights. It was the most incredible thing I have ever seen (other than my wife coming down the aisle). The lights covered about 20% of the sky and shimmered and spiked for the next hour and a half. Combining this with the meteor shower was worth all the hassle and time we had to go through to get there. To top it off, I got to enjoy it with my 2 best friends who appreciated it for what it was. I may never get to see something that incredible again, so I am extremely thankful that I was able to witness that.

The next 2 days we did our trek back to our starting point and then civilization where all I really wanted at that point was a soft chair and a cold anything. I got to have a great time, read a couple of books, and was able to hang out with some great people away from everything else. I was just stunned at the absolute quiet that was up there. It's amazing how used to airplanes, traffic and noise you get used to. If any of you get a chance to go up there, even if it's just for 3-4 days, it's worth it.

So long, farewell...

I'm off this weekend for 8 days in the Boundry Waters full of camping, portaging and a whole lot of canoeing, immediately followed by a business trip. I know you will all miss me and my amusing ramblings. As a parting gift I leave you with this big ad. I recommend using the medium size download screen; it's safe for work so enjoy!

With the Brewers winning a wild series against the Mets, they have come one step further in fulfilling my prediction that they will end up with a better record than the Twins do (only 1.5 games back now). I am looking forward to the Crew having the better record upon my return. Laters!

Who's afraid of the big bad Pedro?

Not the Brewers. The Crew has done a fantastic job against a good NY staff so far in this series and should have been looking at a sweep in today's game. It'd be good to see the success continue in today's game against Kris Benson. If nothing else, let's hope Anna Benson makes an appearance.

Packers
I've got my first article up on the Most Valuable Network (MVN) at Packer Punchline. Yes, I know the name sucks (not my doing), and it's going to be changed shortly. I'll be putting articles on there all season long, so those wanting their Packer fix I'll be directing there when I post, which should be at least 1x/week, but probably more as we get into the season.

Fun Stuff
I've got our annual team outing today on Lake Minnetonka. We've rented a couple of 30' pontoon boats and will be eating, drinking and having fun in the sun. Enjoy your day inside! Here's some things that make you go hmmmm:

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother & sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few onces can kill most dogs.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach fro underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' & 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case 'letters'.
17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time (hence, multi-tasking was invented.)
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death. No comment.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a true civilized society)
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples! Dieters pay attention.
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

Westwood recap: Def Leppard Edition

The Animal, that is the Westwoodies battled Aldersgate, before 5489 fans (no Foolin') that were in complete Hysteria before the game even started. They were all clamoring for a Photograph of their favorite Westwoodie. The dastardly Aldersgate team got out to a quick lead of 1-0 after the 1st inning. The second inning was all Westwood as CC started Bringin' On The Heartbreak of an 8 run inning with a Rocket into left center, this caused the team to Adrenalize. The entire lineup hit in the inning one hit and run after Another Hit And Run. CC had 2 hits in the inning with such a sweet swing that it prompted the Women in the stands to scream "Pour Some Sugar On Me, CC!" The lovefest for CC almost got dangerous and cost the Westwoodies 3 runs in the 5th inning when a rather exuberant (and busty) female fan ran onto the field during play wanting an autograph from CC screaming "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad?" The ball happened to be hit at CC right when this happened and caused a run scoring double. CC told her that he was happily married and that it was Too Late For Love. As the young lady was being escorted off the field she was heard sobbing "Love Bites sometimes." The game was ultimately won by the Westwoodies 11-5, bringing them back over the .500 mark for the season.

Brew Crew
How the hell does a team get 17 hits, 5 of them HR's and still lose? Last night's loss is going to drive me nuts for a while.

Apology

I would like to make the following apology to all my readers:
I do not know how that Viagra got into my system, I have never knowingly used Viagra. I extend a sincere apology to all my readers. I have let you down. All I can ask for is your forgiveness. I have been told by Blogger that I have a 10 day blogging suspension starting on Monday Aug 8th.

Now, everybody knows that baseball is full of stats, stats that some people say mean something, others who disagree and claim the other one is full of crap. It gets down to a schoolyard mentality at a certain point, but that's baseball for you. Anyway, I figured I wanted to see if one of these stats, in this case RISP (batting average with Runners In Scoring Position not someone with a lisp wanting to play Risk, the popular board game) means anything. The Brewers are 5-5 in their last 10 games and I thought it would be fun, well not so much fun as an interesting article, to see how RISP affected those games. So I went back through the ESPN play-by-play and with the help of several Red Bulls, I was able to fight off sleep and come up with the following results of this mysterious stat:

In the 5 wins: RISP of .324
In the 5 losses: RISP of .167

Hmmmm, that would lead me to believe that there is a direct correlation between the two. The Brewers are currently 15th out of 16 in the NL in this category. So logic would dictate that if the Brewers would hit better with RISP, then they would win more. I will now sing only of the praises of RISP! Now, I will forward my findings to the Brewers staff in hopes that they will come to thier senses and preach this to their hitters, that they have to get hits with runners in scoring position. I have single-handedly saved the Brewers season! Oh, and by the way, if the Brewers were in the NL West, they would be in 1st place by 1/2 game. That is one weak-ass division.

Lord Wickethammer

The Backyard Border Battle continued on Sunday night with the fourth event of this series, Croquet. To bring a quick summary, my neighbor Shane had a taken a 2-1 lead by winning HORSE and Trivial Pursuit after losing to me in the HR Derby. Now, on to last night's latest installment of the Battle.

Shane's grass had been freshly mowed that evening and mine was cut the day prior. The field was primed for battle and the air fragerant with fresh clippings. We laid out the wickets and went over the rules. We flipped the ceremonial croquet coin to determine who went first. Shane, beating all odds, called it correctly in his favor and chose to hit first. At this point I raised my mallet to the heavens and called forth the power of the croquet gods and screamed "I am Lord Wickethammer!" Lightning came forth from the heavens in the clear sky unto my mallet. The ground shook and Shane could only stand with his mouth agape at the impressive sight before him. Shane's hands shook as he hit his first shot, missing the wicket. That was all I needed to claim victory in the first match as I jumped out of the gate quickly and decisively. My sheer presence alone made him quake with fear. During the second match his eldest son turned on him with taunts and jeers. Shane even tried to pay the boy in order to cheer for him, but his offerings of money only served to fatten his son's pockets as the taunts continued. Mercifully, I won the 2 out of 3 matchup quickly, thus tying the series at 2 games a piece.

The next event will be a gentlemanly game of chess, followed by mini-golf and Stratego. This was to have originally been a best of seven series, however, as the rules clearly state, additional events can be added to the list and 2 definately have, and 2 are pending. The 2 that have been added are bowling and bocce ball. The 2 pending are Irish Horseshoes and Dodgeball. This is not the dodgeball of the schoolyard days, oh no. Those who have attended Twins games in the Dome know that during the game a fan gets 3 chances at throwing a ball into the bed of a Dodge pick-up from the luxury box level for a chance at winning said truck, they call this game Dodgeball. We have decided that our version calls for us to climb on top of the roof of my house and attempt to bounce ping-pong balls into the open back end of my Dodge Caravan, thus our version of Dodgeball. The Irish Horseshoes game is pending me being able to borrow it from a co-worker. I will explain that should the event occur.

Barry's Farewell Tour

Barry Alvarez announced yesterday that this is going to be his last season as head coach for the Badgers. Truly an end of an extremely successful and wonderful era has begun. The following illustration shows how much of an impact he had:

15 years pre Alvarez (1975-89) 69-96-4 (.420) 3 bowls 1-2 record
Alvarez's 15 years (1990-2004) 108-70-4 (.604) 10 bowls 7-3 record with 3 Rose Bowl wins

The numbers are even better when you take out his first 2 seasons of a combined 4-16. Then his record goes to 104-54-4 (.642). That averages out to 8-4 record for the last 13 years. Ask any fan of another Big Ten school and they would welcome that with open arms. Except for MI and Ohio State, but nobody cares what they think anyway.

I was in my last year of college when the Badgers went to their first Rose Bowl (1994) since the reign of Queen Elizabeth (she was a Badger fan you know). Just the absolute chaos that went on on State Street (which I gladly partook in) the night they clinched and the whole mood of the campus from that point until after the Rose Bowl win is something I will never forget.

Barry has acheived a status in WI that few coaches in college sports have obtained. I would put him on par with Favre in the minds of WI sports fans. He put WI back on the collegiate sports map and made WI sports relevant again, and gave the university a renewed sense of pride. His creation of an extremely good football program and getting the UW sports finances turned around helped pave the way for the WI basketball success. He'll still be around, but I'm going to miss him on the sidelines. Here's to one more great season for Barry!

America's Team
The Packers have now signed 10 of 11 of their draft picks all that is missing now is Rodgers. Given he is not expected to start or play much this year, I'm not all that worried. That said, I would expect a deal to be worked out shortly and him in camp. Reports from over at The Railbird, my local contact in GB state that rookie Marviel Underwood is having a great camp so far. He has learned the defense incredibly fast and is making plays already. Let's hope this continues and carries over to the season.

Juuuust a bit outside...

Somehow Uecker's line from Major League seemed to describe the Brewers game yesterday. Runs score on a wild pitch, a poor throw from the Overbay to Ohka (that's like QB to RB distance on a hand off, right?) and a disatrous pickoff move bring in all 3 of the Diamondback runs. Ugh. Disappointing end to the series, but the Brewers won it and they keep winning 2 of 3 the rest of the way, well, that's what they call a "good thing".

A .500 record will not only be achieved, but surpassed this season for the Crew. Of that I have the fullest confidence in. In fact, I'm going to go on record as saying that the Crew will have a better record by the end of the season than the MN Twins. Yep, trying to get a rise out of all the Twinkie fans out there. I'm giving the Twins a 5 game lead at this point. I believe that the Twins are going to collapse. I believe that the Crew will win more than they lose going out. I also believe that Brad and Jennifer will get back together, so take all that for what it's worth.

MAJOR UPDATE!!!!
Javon Walker is back in camp. Interesting development indeed. Somehow I have a feeling that he and Mr. Favre are going to be having a discussion face-to-face in the very near future. All this nonsense is going to be put aside and another wonderful season will come to pass between the two. THEN, JW is going to be paid, and paid he will be.

House Guest

For the past 3 days, my father-in-law Jerry has been a guest of ours. Jerry lives in PA (Pocono Mtn area, where my wife was born and raised) and is really a great guy. He was in Wyoming for his annual 3 week fly fishing excursion, he had to cut his trip short due to some natural disasters (boat ran over a bush while he was floating downstream and his boat capsized, and he lost his rod in the process and a flip flop). So him spending a few days with us was unexpected but certainly welcome.

My wife hates being defined by what she does for a living when someone asks "What do you do?". This comes from her dad. He is so much more than just a job title. He is civil war re-enacter (I have had the privilege of dying in battle with him), a fly fisherman, a motorcycle nut, an artist, a runner, a goofy song creator, many things. What got him a paycheck was being a trucker (he's retired now).

It's always great being around him as he is just a fun guy to have around. He can dish out the smart comments and take them in kind. He is always ready with a joke or story and just wants to have fun. I love his one-liners of "Meanwhile back at the ranch, Grandma was beating off the Indians" (and yes, he means it that way) and after burping "that's not bad manners, that's good beer". He just cracks me up. I am really blessed with having great in-laws. Jerry, have a great road trip back to PA!

Grog Blog

Welcome all to a very special edition of Grog Blog. Grog has decided to explore his creative side and do his report from the latest Brewers road trip in the form of a poem. This should be if nothing else, interesting. Take it away Grog...

Grog in St. Louis
Where beer is always cold
Someone say "Brewers suck"
This line is getting old

Grog yell back to man
"Brewers will win at least 2"
He flip off Grog, pick him up
His pants smell of poo

Geoff Jenkins bat comes alive
Grog say "Your swing the best,
It almost looks as good
As my sweet Rachel's " (hey hey hey Grog, we talked about this)
Sorry.

Grog pick up special sauce
To grill treat when he gets home,
Note to silly neighbor Shane
"Don't leave your cats alone"

Grog then fly to Cincy
Ken Griffey he wants to meet,
He swing a bat very well
His feet are very fleet (good huh? Grog use dictionary for that one)

We play fun game of cards
Texas Hold 'Em Poker
Ken and rest of team get cocky
But Grog smarter than Al Roker

Grog win lots of money
The whole Reds team takes a bath
But they win 2 of 3
So now they have last laugh

Now Grog finally home
Spend long time on flying ships
It's time to live for today
And plant a wet one on Rachel's lips

Dammit Grog! I'll be back tomorrow and hopefully Grog-free. Come back here you, that's it, time for a whoopin'!

Can't catch me Cheese Curd! She loves me! Ha Ha!

Technical Difficulties

*crackle* *crackle* *static*
Having problems today *static*
*high pitched feedback sound*
Anybody hear me? *wheeer* *wheeer*
Back tomorrow *static* *static*
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

Due to techinical difficulties, the Oracle of Cheese has been suspended for today. We apologize for any inconvenience and thank you for your patience.

Cup 'O Brew

Time for some actual sports stuff on the Oracle in this segment of Cup 'O Brew. You may be asking youself "Why would you ruin a perfectly good blog with sports analysis and stats?" Well, that is a good question and given that I have all these sports things all over my site like the WI team logos, the standings at the far left of the NL Central, and oh, can't forget the sausage racers. So I figured what the hell, might as well try something to appease the sports masses out there. Besides, the Brewers just had a game where 10 players (including 2 pitchers) got a hit in yesterday's 12-7 win. Go ahead and click onthe boxscore link to the left to see, I'm not kidding.

Let's look at the recent 4 game Brewer series against the dastardly Cardinals. First, a calculator and the hittling lines (AVG/OBP/SLG/OPS):

Mil .308/.363/.514/.877
StL .288/.331/.452/.783

Yep, we out-hit them. The Cards actually scored more runs 27-22 than the Crew, but the Crew split the series. But CC, the Cards pitching staff is by no means world beaters you may say, but if you do, you are wrong. The Cards staff is #1 in the NL in ERA and WHIP, #2 in OPS and #5 in BAA. That says that the Crew and their "poor offense" kicked the snot out of damn good pitching staff. The Brewers have still outscored their opponents overall this season. In fact, the Crew have scored more runs than either Washington (54 wins) or SD (50 wins), the current leaders in their respective divisions. A step further on this is that they also have scored more runs than the Angels (division leader, 56 wins) and the Twins (52 wins). This team is so ridiculously close to being real good it's scary (Boo!).

Last year, as you notice on the far left, the Brewers were 48-48 and in a middle of a 1-8 stretch. In fact, this is the last time that last year's squad was at .500 or higher. After this point last year they played .292 ball, that was a monumental collapse. This year's squad is showing no signs of playing over their heads at all. If anything they have underachieved. The bats are starting to come alive all through the lineup (read Jenkins and Hardy). The pitching is still very good as well, and Sheets is finally rounding into ace form.

There is much to be happy and optimistic about with the Crew. An above .500 record is within easy reach this year and next year will only be better. So raise your brews with me and have a Friday morning toast to the Crew. Hey, we're Cheeseheads, we drink when we friggin' want to!

Shocking News

Javon Walker is apparently not coming to training camp, big surprise there (smell that sarcasm?). Let's see some of the parts of the article:

"I have several concerns," Rosenhaus said. "One is equity. I don't feel that it's fair that Javon should play at that number ($515,000). " It's perfectly fine that Javon won't honor his contract though, that's equitable.

"the way things have developed there are just not positive. Everything that's gone on with Brett Favre and the team's really lack of flexibility, it's not a good situation." Oh, so it's Brett's fault now that you are advising your client to not play? Brilliant PR move Rosenholdout. Teams lack of flexability? It's called no cap room, moron, plus we'll just ignore the fact that Javon is under contract.

"We went through this with Mike McKenzie and he ultimately was traded and, I mean, I guess we're on the same path happening here. It's a shame." Yeah, we did, see how that worked out? MM still has no new deal after being traded, you advised him not to report for practices with the Saints and now he's such damaged goods, people don't want him and know they cannot rely on him. Brilliant! The only shame is that JW is listening to you.

"It's OK for Tom Cruise to make $50 million a movie? But a guy who risks his life can't get paid a decent wage? B.S. I'm not standing for it." Well, let's see, Tom Cruise is an international superstar and has a long proven track record of success. Also, if TC signs a contract to do a movie, he is not bailing out midway through demanding more money. Risks his life? You representing soldiers in the armed forces or police officers now? How many people have died playing NFL? Get a grip you loser. All you care about is the power you wield over the NFL and how much $ you can make. Javon's only recieved over $4 million already in just salary and bonus alone over the last 3 years. But that's BS and you won't stand for that cause you think you are the 2nd coming of Norma Rae Webster.

Holy Sh*t!

Brewers beat the Cards! What a comeback last night! That's all I got...

The Fix is on

Last night the Westwoodies lost to CIMA Labs in front of 5 disgruntled fans last night 13-4. The Westwoodies displayed a very poor effort in the field leading to speculation as to the source of this inexplicable lack of hustle. The source was found out in the 6th inning as it turns out that CIMA Labs was using an aerosol Valium spray against our heros. Even with Red Bull in the dugout, it was too late for the Westwoodies to counter this diabolical scheme that was implemented against them. The drugging combined with an extended absence from the team was too much for CC to overcome in a pathetic game at the plate going 1-4. Chants of "JJ Hardy" from the opposing team stung particularly hard. With all of the blatant documented cheating going on against the Westwoodies this year after 2 years of total domination in the league and nothing being done by the umpires, it can only be assumed that indeed the fix is on...

Brew Crew
The regular whooping by the Cardinals is back in effect. Nothing like playing the best team in the bigs on the road to ruin a perfectly good stretch of games. Jenkins has finally come out of his season-long slump and Carlos is showing some signs of coming out of his as well. I shudder to think what would happen if Clark, Weeks, Hall, Lee and Jenkins could do if they all played good at the same time.

The Fab Five

I was on Cheer or Die's latest podcast on his blog. COD is a diehard Viking fan, and I am on the broadcast along with SBG and Shane, I play the role as the outsider. We had fun making this and hopefully we will do many more.

The Brewers easily dismiss the (G)Nats, the current NL East leaders and take 3 of 4. If it wasn't for Bottalico's atrocious pitching, the Crew had a damn good chance at a sweep. The Crew is one of the hottest teams right now, winners of 10 of thier last 15. We will now take a 15 second break for dancing. (Oh yeah, it's your birthday, get your groove on). And to quote Al, Lord of the Manor or just Lord Al as I will be referring to him from now on: "This Weeks kid might turn out OK". I just might shell out the bucks to get his jersey. Weeks' that is, not Al's, I've never met Al nor do I know if he plays ball, either way I would not get his jersey, no offense buddy.

Here is a link to an interview with Prince Fielder over at Baseball Digest Daily. It's a good read and always nice to hear about the Crew's future All-Stars.

Now onto today's main event where I randomly go to 5 websites using the handy "Next Blog" button at the upper right corner and let you know about what other blogs are out on blogspot, and yes, to make fun of them. All in good fun.

The Puglets
Pictures of pugs and the man who loves them. Pugs are nasty, ugly dogs that love to scratch the hell out of people. The man's profile on his blog says "Love quiet walks on Clearwater Beach... care to join me?". Apparently he thinks close up pictures of these dogs will help him land a lady. OOOOOOKKKKK.

Blog a la pibil
A blog about 2 friends from LA who go off on a 2 month adventure into Mexico. The last entry involves getting peed on in the bus during a 12 hour ride, a search for the lost city of silver, and getting cheap drugs. The trip gets interesting after they imbibe mescal, which puts them on a hallucinogenic state where they end up naked on a float during a local parade. I gotta get to Mexico.

Inutilidades
A Brazilian site written by a 23 year old man. Not a problem for CC, as I speak fluent Brazilian. Let me translate the site for you: I cannot wait for the naked, drunken women at Mardi Gras. I cannot wait for the naked, drunken women at Mardi Gras. I cannot wait for the naked, drunken women at Mardi Gras.

Shyloh's Poetry
Obviously a site of poetry by Shyloh, who believes in energy healing and using the energy and life around us along with poetry about peace and beauty. But we also must acknowledge the darkness in order to become one with ourselves... OK Shyloh, pass the bong, I need a hit of whatever you're smoking.

Who Understands
Dear goodness, this is a title that exactly describes this site. Thngs spld lik thz. Yep, one of those. But it's so friggin poorly written that I cannot follow it at all, and rumor is that I am a college graduate. It's like some damn language that twins have and only they can understand.

Grog Blog

Last night I got together at Mr. Cheer or Die's place for a wonderful dinner along with Shane and SBG and our respective families. It was a great time and everyone had a blast. Thanks again COD! After a fairly long wait time, Grog is back with his tantilizing tales of torturous titilating ta tas, ok I ran out of "t" words and this is just silly now.

Chicago
Call this city, "City of the Big Shoulders", should be called "City of the Big Guts". Grog never seen such lardasses. Grog give 6 pack to security guard to get into announcer area. Have great time with Bob Eucker. Grog kick his ass in Cribbage. Skunk him twice. Grog get to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in 7th inning. Best performance ever.

Florida
Grog spend lots of time at the beach the first day. Fun snorkeling. Not able to catch many fish. Fall asleep on beach. Wake up sunburnt. Spend next 4 days in hotel watching Brewers on TV as too sore. Order lots of room service. Weeks call up Grog and make fun of him. Grog will get Weeks back, stupid rookie.

Atlanta
Grog better from sunburn. Grog hear city center of hip-hop, but Grog no find many frogs. Not sure why city called that then. Ones do find are tasty. Grog go to check out clubs with Bill Hall, Lyle Overbay and Rickie Weeks to celebrate after Brewers win 2 of 3 games. Men at door say Grog no enter has not have right look. Grog pick up each man in one hand and lift them up. Ask how Grog look from up there. Grog laugh and enter club with 3 women who met in line. Grog drink and dance lots. Grog get Weeks really drunk so he puke. Told you I get you back Rickie.

Have a great weekend!

Joke of the Day

I'm back from Nashville. Grog will be reporting tomorrow, as I have a lot of work to do given I was gone for a week from work. So I give you a joke of the day.

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

• I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.
• Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.
• There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
• Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass everyday.
• Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!
• In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.
• According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.
• According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.
• And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.
• According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing.
• That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Flip one off? I think not......

Behold the power of cheese

Got back early from camping in the WI Dells on Sunday for a special presentation that I will illuminate you all on. My neighbor Shane had left for a family trip to South Dakota (apparently he lost a bet and HAD to go, the poor bastard) on Thursday morning. This past winter, he and his brood decided to build not one but 2 anti-Cheesehead snowmen at the entrance to and in the middle of my driveway when I and my family were out of town. My son and I quickly dispatched these abominations in the manner they deserved when we returned. I decided that now was my time for revenge. (Cue the dastardly music). I thought for while as to what could I do to get back at him, then it hit me, I needed to eat Pizza Rolls first to help me come up with something. Satisfying that urge, my creative juices came alive and realized what Shane holds most dear to his heart to which a blow would be most devastating.

"Is it Daisy Fuentes on the beach?" you may ask. No, but that is a nice thought.

"Given his fascination with them, could it be bikini-clad chickens on a beach?" Definately not, and shame on you for clicking that picture link you sick little monkey.

No, it is the source of his power, his pro-stadium beliefs that he spouts forth on his blog The Greet Machine. I quickly went to work and came up with this:

A truly great work of art, if I do say so myself. Now you must understand that Shane lives on a fairly busy road and approximately 250 cars in addition to several dozen walkers/joggers go by his house every day and this was clearly visible from the street, being it was posted in his front window. This was up from Friday morning until Sunday early afternoon for all the neighborhood and passerbys to see.

Upon his arrival back home, Shane was completely flabbergasted, bamboozled and downright in a state of panicked disbelief upon seeing this. He quickly ran into his home to tear down the sign. Knowing he would do this and start with the word "NO", I had put a note on the back of it that simply said "Behold the power of cheese". Shane knew instantly that he was defeated and retreated to his room where he refused further comment, as all that was heard was a low groaning sounds, some whimpering and the words "The horror". Welcome home Shane!

Cup O' Brew
Hey there, the Brewers actually split one road series and win another against teams with winning records! It's almost like they're a real baseball team. What a fantastic way to go into the All-Star break being winners of 7 of their last 11. For more in depth analysis of the Crew, I highly recommend heading over to Al's Ramblings as he is the king of all that is Brewer. He has a great article on Carlos Lee and LF AAA prospect Corey "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" Hart posted on 7/7. I commented to him that that article was worth the price of internet this month alone.

Buck it!
Redd signs! Bogut signs! Stotts signs as coach! Signs, signs everywhere signs! I really like the starting 5 of Ford, Redd, Mason, Smith and Bogut. It could be a bit weak on the glass though IMO. The Bucks have to sign 5 more guys I believe to fill out the roster, although Gadz and Zaza are going to sign and remain Bucks. I'm excited to see how the season plays out this coming year and will predict right now, barring injury, the Bucks will have 48 wins.

Days of our Packers
I fucking hate Drew Rosenholdout!!!! That is all my legal department has allowed me to say about him at this time.

That should hold you all over until Thursday. I'm off to Nashville for a business trip until Wednesday. Grog will be posting his much anticipated road trip antics from travelling with the Crew on Thursday. See you then!

On the road again

I got the annual family camping fiasco this weekend and then a business trip next M-W so I got lots to do. Have a great weekend everybody!

On a side note, why do I have the feeling that regardless of the city that was picked for the Olympics, there would have been a terrorist attack today in that city?

Too damn tired

After 2 straight nights of my son waking up and puking and getting about 4 hours of crummy sleep each night, I am not in the best of moods. My wife has had it worse than me, which makes me even more amazed at her abilities as a mother and wife that she has kept it together.

The Brewers are doing a great job of beating a good Marlins team. Winners of 5 of their last 6, the Crew is really starting to turn up the heat and look to finish the pre-All Star game of the schedule on a really high note. "Laaaaaaaaaaaa!" That's the best humor I got right now. I'm giving a game ball to the whole offense with 16 hits. Well done gang!

Inappropriate things to say...

You all have been there, when a moment comes along while shopping or eating out when a thought or phrase comes to mind and you know you cannot say what you are thinking out loud, but damn if it doesn't make you laugh inside. Several of these happened to me while shopping at the local Cub food store this past week.

• "Damn these bananas are so big, porn actors would be jealous."
• "Those are some nice melons"
• "No, I don't know the score of the Twins game, I'm in the grocery store like you, nimrod"
• "No thanks, I don't want you to slice my salami"
• "Wow, that case of Diet Coke will sure offset the 3 bags of chips and 2 packages of Chips Ahoy cookies, good thinking"

Also, this weekend marked the beginning of the offical Backyard Border Battle between myself and Slackjawed Shane. Currently there are 7 events: HR Derby, HORSE, Croquet, Mini-golf, Trivial Pursuit, Chess and Stratego. We each have the right to add events or make an event a best of 3. I easily took the HR Derby as Shane all but threw in the towel in the first round while watching my towering shots. Shane won in HORSE by having his kids grabbing at my legs and biting my ankles (little snots). Shane also won a very tightly contested game of Trivial Pursuit when one of his cats "magically" got out of the house when I was up 4-1. Plus my daughter gets soaked while playing with his daughter (coincidence? I think not). After this break in the action of finding the cat and me having to change my daughter into dry clothes, Shane is sitting on his porch smiling like the proverbial cat who ate the canary. I thought at the time this seemed odd, and then he suddenly goes on a huge run to tie it at 4-4. Yep, he read the cards, no other explanation is possible. So I'm down 2-1 to my "friend" who I underestimated in his willingness to win. Time for the hammer of cheese to come down on his sorry ass.

This will cost how much?

Well now, as you can see, I got into a little fender-bender last night on the way home from work. Thanks to my knowledge of the force, I was able to use my Jedi mind tricks on the police officer to make sure I was not at fault.

Police Officer: So what happened here?

CC (using the force, with hand motions): I am not the one at fault.

Police Officer: What are you doing?

CC (still using the force): The other person should pay for everything.

Police Officer: Are you on drugs or something? Maybe we should do a field sobriety test?

CC (once again, with the force): There is no need to write me a ticket.

Police Officer: If you don't stop that, I'm going to taser your ass to the ice planet Hoth. Got me?

Realizing I had complete control of the situation, I explained to the officer what happened as the 20-21 year old woman who drove out of the parking lot and hit the side of my car could only watch and listen in wonder as a true master of the force was at work. The good news was that nobody was hurt, along with me not receiving any of the blame for the accident (see the force did work).

I figured that those reading can use the force and put in a guess in the comments as to how much the damage was on my Corolla. Given that Shane has seen a first hand look at the carnage, I figured I'd share the same info as he has. Here's what I can tell you: I am going to need a new passenger door, new passenger side fender and a new bumper. I was able to drive it home and the alignment seemed fine. No fluids were leaking and my tire seemed fine. Whoever is closest gets the satisfaction of knowing that they could be working in a body shop doing estimates on cars.

My guess is Matt Wise's ERA x 1000. That would be $2530. I'll post the estimate that the woman's insurance company states I have to go with as the offical number.