I have heard from many a loyal reader of the Oracle the following question:
"What's happened to the Backyard Border Battle with Shane?" (Ok, they don't use a hyperlink when they ask, but you get the picture)
What has happened to it indeed. I have to answer these die-hard fans of the site that I really don't know what the status of this illustrious (and now famous) competition is. However, the fact is that I do know and today I must say something about it.
It's all Shane's fault.
Ever since I started winning events, including the last 3 of croquet, Stratego and mini-golf (oh, I'm up 4-2 by the way) Shane has been more and more reluctant to engage me in any sort of competition. He won't even rake leaves at the same time I do for fear he will be put to shame by my superior raking ability.
Today however, I'm calling you out Shane. I will no longer accept the lame excuses that you give for ducking me. Such infamous excuses such as:
- "I've got to be a den mother for my son's scouting troop tonight, I'm teaching them how to make pretty dresses."
- "I'm in the middle of this really great book on how they made potpourri in the year 1656."
- "I have Bible study tonight, and I cannot miss how the book of Numbers ends!"
- "I have to go wash my mom's hair tonight, then after that I need to hold the yarn while she knits."
- "I had a rather rough encounter with a daddy-longlegs spider earlier this morning and I still have not recovered from that brush with death."
It's not going to work anymore Shane, you have to face me. Time for you stand up and be a man.
4 comments:
Winner takes on the self proclaimed "greatest player of Stratego anywhere on the face of the earth, period, and in the galaxy too".....ME.
I can't be beaten...at least not in 2 out of three. There is always that fluke win here and there, even Napoleon lost at Waterloo.
I did actually beat Shane in 2 games of Stratego, but I won't get into that.
You wanna go Johnny? We'll have to find some online version to play.
You know, that does give me an idea on expanding this contest. Hmmmm.... this could be fun.
You know, I will admit to using reasons 1-3 before, but reasons 4-5 are a little outrageous. And I won't rake my leaves at the same time because I expect YOU to rake my leaves given they come from your trees.
Anyway, this competition is nothing but pain for me. Both Stratego and mini-golf were so close! It just flat out sucks and I don't like it and I'm going to pout about it and there is nothing you can do about it. So there!
So, when do you want to resume my flogging? Can't be tonight because I've got church and it can't be Thursday because I've got Cub Scouts. Oh, and Saturday I've got Cub Scouts too. (boy those excuses come in handy ...)
Very well then Shane, your cowardice is plain for everyone to see now.
The Backyard Border Battle is hereby over and I have won by knockout as Shane simply cannot get up off the canvas.
I will let you know when you can be my beverage server for a day as per the agreement we had at the beginning.
All those leaves falling from my trees onto your yard are very much like a tickertape parade celebrating my victory.
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