I have heard from many a loyal reader of the Oracle the following question:
"What's happened to the Backyard Border Battle with Shane?" (Ok, they don't use a hyperlink when they ask, but you get the picture)
What has happened to it indeed. I have to answer these die-hard fans of the site that I really don't know what the status of this illustrious (and now famous) competition is. However, the fact is that I do know and today I must say something about it.
It's all Shane's fault.
Ever since I started winning events, including the last 3 of croquet, Stratego and mini-golf (oh, I'm up 4-2 by the way) Shane has been more and more reluctant to engage me in any sort of competition. He won't even rake leaves at the same time I do for fear he will be put to shame by my superior raking ability.
Today however, I'm calling you out Shane. I will no longer accept the lame excuses that you give for ducking me. Such infamous excuses such as:
- "I've got to be a den mother for my son's scouting troop tonight, I'm teaching them how to make pretty dresses."
- "I'm in the middle of this really great book on how they made potpourri in the year 1656."
- "I have Bible study tonight, and I cannot miss how the book of Numbers ends!"
- "I have to go wash my mom's hair tonight, then after that I need to hold the yarn while she knits."
- "I had a rather rough encounter with a daddy-longlegs spider earlier this morning and I still have not recovered from that brush with death."
It's not going to work anymore Shane, you have to face me. Time for you stand up and be a man.