Sunday, January 07, 2007

The Bet is paid - An Analysis

Ahh, there is nothing better in the whole world than starting off a New Year right, isn't there? I know I certainly did. How you may ask? Well my good reader I shall tell you. One may recall several weeks ago, my neighbor Shane made an ill-advised bet with me. To recap, the wager was for the loser to buy the winner a Triple Cheeseburger, fries and a Coke from Fuddruckers and to shovel the winner's driveway. Well, wouldn't you know it, but Shane lost yet again to me as the Packers easily dispatched of the frauds that are the MN Vikings. For those of you keeping track at home, that would be Craig 5, Shane 0 in the bet department.

Ever since the bet was made, there have been literally hundreds of requests to see the pictures from the payout. Well, I am happy to provide these for you.

The first picture would be that of Shane buying me the 1/2 lb, triplecheese cheeseburger, fries and Coke. The second picture would be that myself eating said cheeseburger. MMM MMM good!

Fairly self explanitory here, this would be Shane shovelling my driveway. True, it is not much snow, but I didn't want to put too much stress on the guy, he's kinda fragile.

I got to thinking, why is it that Shane keeps losing bets to me? Simple bad luck? My obvious superior intellect and skill? While the latter is clearly evident, I believe there is more to it. So I did some research and found the following:

NAACP has come out with a study that WI drivers are actually better than MN drivers.

National Endowment of the Arts reported that WI men are better lovers than MN men. Well, that's definately true.

Rotary Club has found that WI is actually safer from terrorist attacks. Good to see that my parents and siblings are safe.

Humane Society has definatively proven that WI sports are far superior and better attended than MN sports. They also found that MN fans are severely lacking in overall knowledge in regards to their teams and sports in general.

Consumer Reports reported that WI men are heartier, healthier and better suited against the elements than their MN counterparts.

Greenpeace has stated that people from WI are on average 78% smarter than their MN neighbors.

Simply fascinating. Good to see what has been known for decades to come to light by independent organizations that Cheeseheads are simply superior to the lutefisk-eating Minnesotans. Now, Shane may say that he was born in WI (which he was) and therefore has all of these positive attributes. Sorry Shane, but you renounced your Cheesehead lineage when you decided to foolishly praise all sports that is MN; and therefore all rights, powers and privileges associated with the gloriousness that is reserved for the children of WI.

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