Friday, August 26, 2005

Grog Strike

Well, I cannot believe this, Grog has actually gone on strike. Turns out he has some damn NWA Mechanics Union rep giving him some advice. Grog apparently met him during his many travels while following the Crew this summer. What's this? I have been handed a list of Grog's demands for a contract negotiation? I'm not putting this on the blog, Grog. What, you will? OK fine go ahead you 40,000 year old goomba.

Ahem, here is list of Grog demands for the mean Cheesehead Craig:
  1. Grog demand at least 12 pancakes for breakfast with 6 pieces of sausage of both link and patty 4 times a week.
  2. Grog want 45" Plasma TV and PS2.
  3. Grog want hair cuts and waxing to be reimburseable.
  4. Grog demand 30 minutes of cuddle time with Rachel every day.
  5. Grog gets to immediately be part of the Backyard Border Battle with Shane and CC, with the winner getting Shane's cats.
  6. Grog want crushed velvet smoking jacket.

Until these demands are met, Grog no write for Oracle of Cheese.

Let's take a look at this list Grog. First point: you have to discuss the breakfasts with Rachel. I know she loves you and that one might happen. Second: no chance on the TV and PS2, I don't even have a TV that nice so no chance you will get that. Third : have you seen how hairy you are? That alone costs more than the Plasma TV so no. Fourth: you don't have a prayer in the world on that one. Fifth: Sorry, the BBB is already in progress and frankly, Shane is scared of you and would never agree to wager his beloved cats that he loves more than his sacred Vanilla Coke. Six: You don't smoke so why would you need a smoking jacket? Well, if that will shut you up I guess we can do that. How does this sound?

No good. Must give me all demands, most of all #4. You say Rachel love me? She love me! She love me!

That's not what I meant and you know it! Oh crap, now I have some big foreheaded freak thinking he's MC Hammer dancing around my basement. I thought something was going on, so I made a contingency plan. Hey Grog, how does a nice big plate of steaming pork chops sound?

Pork Chops? Grog smell pork chops! Give Grog pork chops and all demands dropped.

There we go. That labor dispute is over. I wrote a guest column over on Cheer or Die's site, listing my Top 10 reasons the Vikings won't win the division (let alone the Super Bowl). Have a great weekend everyone!

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