Money magazine published it's top 100 cities to live in the US and Madison finishes #53? What the hell! A perennial top 10 city suddenly drops to the likes of Edmond, OK and Aurora, IL? There is only one explanation for this: the damn FIBs! That's right, those Illinisians must have sent forth a cadre of malcontents and scum to infest the glorious city of Madison to bring it down to the level of Aurora! This insidious plot has apparently worked as the good cheese-loving people of Madison have seen the image of their glorious city sullied by these... these... non-cheese-loving-troglodytes!
I say rise up O great Madisonians! Rise up and cast out these things out of your city and reclaim your proper place in the world! It shouldn't be too hard to get the Illinisians out, just offer them some low interest financing on some lovely mobile homes in Rockford, IL and they'll think they just won the lottery.