Say a Prayer

I remember this spring I saw a special on New Orleans on PBS. They were showing how the city dealt with heavy rains and such. It was also shown how the city was very much in trouble should a big hurricane hit it. They explained the levees and the pumps but also noted that much of the reefs (for lack of a better word) off the coast and such had disappeared over the last 30 years that would weaken a hurricane and provide relief from storm surges. New Orleans is essentially in a dry sink with rivers, lakes and the gulf all around it. Should these have flooded, the city was in serious danger as the water had no place to go other than inside of NO. I remember saying to my wife and several co-workers at the time "Well, too bad I never got a chance to visit NO as it's going to wash away, it will be our Venice" as I was so convinced at the time that it was going to happen someday. It happened a lot sooner than I thought it would and I'm a little embarassed by my comments from months ago. This city is absolutely destroyed, in fact, I would be amazed if its not just abandoned. I just cannot see how this city can be rebuilt to even a shadow of it's former self with the issues on flooding that they have. Today, just say a prayer for the people who have lost more than many Americans have in a long time.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Last night was event #5 of the Backyard Border Battle between myself and my neighbor, Shane. Stratego was the name of the game, and it ended up in a friggin' tie. Yep, we played for about an hour and ended up tied. The worst part is that I had Shane beat, he had one movable piece left and I had 4. I only had one miner as did he. He made a suicide attack with his miner and managed to take out my last miner. Given his flag was surrounded by mines, I could do nothing but accept a tie. We even played outside, in the dark with a lantern to give it the true backyard feel to it. I was just disgusted at the result and mad at myself in letting it happen. A rematch will happen soon and victory will be mine.

The Frozen Tundra
The former Packer Punchline at the Most Valuable Network has now changed names to The Frozen Tundra and I have posted my latest offering here. I hope you enjoy it as I do my best to be as honest and fair as I can on that site. The link is also to the right under Packer links.

Torn Sheets

Ben Sheets is out for the season, and the Brewers lose their ace for the 2nd time this season for a month. He is going to be replaced in the rotation by Justin Lehr, so there is a bit of a drop-off in quality there. This does dim the hopes of the Crew not only getting over .500, but beating the Twins record as I had claimed. However, it's going to be the offense that accomplishes this for the Brewers and that is the key to the end of the season. Thank goodness that Brady Clark is back in CF. Time to make a run boys!

Grog Strike

Well, I cannot believe this, Grog has actually gone on strike. Turns out he has some damn NWA Mechanics Union rep giving him some advice. Grog apparently met him during his many travels while following the Crew this summer. What's this? I have been handed a list of Grog's demands for a contract negotiation? I'm not putting this on the blog, Grog. What, you will? OK fine go ahead you 40,000 year old goomba.

Ahem, here is list of Grog demands for the mean Cheesehead Craig:

1. Grog demand at least 12 pancakes for breakfast with 6 pieces of sausage of both link and patty 4 times a week.
2. Grog want 45" Plasma TV and PS2.
3. Grog want hair cuts and waxing to be reimburseable.
4. Grog demand 30 minutes of cuddle time with Rachel every day.
5. Grog gets to immediately be part of the Backyard Border Battle with Shane and CC, with the winner getting Shane's cats.
6. Grog want crushed velvet smoking jacket.

Until these demands are met, Grog no write for Oracle of Cheese.

Let's take a look at this list Grog. First point: you have to discuss the breakfasts with Rachel. I know she loves you and that one might happen. Second: no chance on the TV and PS2, I don't even have a TV that nice so no chance you will get that. Third : have you seen how hairy you are? That alone costs more than the Plasma TV so no. Fourth: you don't have a prayer in the world on that one. Fifth: Sorry, the BBB is already in progress and frankly, Shane is scared of you and would never agree to wager his beloved cats that he loves more than his sacred Vanilla Coke. Six: You don't smoke so why would you need a smoking jacket? Well, if that will shut you up I guess we can do that. How does this sound?

No good. Must give me all demands, most of all #4. You say Rachel love me? She love me! She love me!

That's not what I meant and you know it! Oh crap, now I have some big foreheaded freak thinking he's MC Hammer dancing around my basement. I thought something was going on, so I made a contingency plan. Hey Grog, how does a nice big plate of steaming pork chops sound?

Pork Chops? Grog smell pork chops! Give Grog pork chops and all demands dropped.

There we go. That labor dispute is over. I wrote a guest column over on Cheer or Die's site, listing my Top 10 reasons the Vikings won't win the division (let alone the Super Bowl). Have a great weekend everyone!

Franks and Beans

Mike Sherman gets a 2 year extention with the Pack. Frankly, this is a good move and well deserved. Sherman has a regular season record of 53-27 (.663 winning percentage) over the last 5 seasons. Sherman was willing to back down from his 5 yr extention demand for guaranteed money. He's a very good offensive coach and has done a great job in that regard. Now for him to get some post-season success and show what a good coach he can be with not having the GM duties weighing him down.

Also in Packer news, Bubba Franks signs a 5 yr/$28M deal. This is awesome. I love Bubba, he's one of the best red zone threats in the game as he has a great connection with Favre. He has lost some weight to get quicker and become more of a downfield threat. He has been a wonderful TE over the years and I am thrilled that he is going to be virtually finishing his career with the Packers. Plus, I just love that the Packers have a player named Bubba on their team.

Grog will be giving his report tomorrow as he was in no condition to write last night after a party at Prince's house.

Westwood Recap: Stones Edition

Well, the summer league ended on Monday night with a 20-10 Westwood win, thus ending that part of our season 8-4. I was out of town for that game, however, I was able to play in the doubleheader against Harmon Autoglass last night.

The games started out on a Ruby Tuesday in front of 15 fans all in attendance for SS Matt Thomas bobblehead night. His wife, Angie, was the most vocal fan at the game as Wild Horses could not drag her away. I thought for sure this week's bobblehead would be about yours truly, but You Can't Always Get What You Want. As everybody knows, mechanics are a bunch of cheats and Harmon did not disappoint as has been the case with every opponent of the Westwoodies. Every inning they tacked on extra runs to their score (which they did not score) which called for muliptle delays as they would get no Satisfaction with playing by the rules. In fact their claiming of 47 imaginary runs Shattered the previous league record.

The Westwoodies jumped out to an early 6-0 lead in the opening game thanks to a clutch 2 run single by CC that would Start Me Up for what turned out to be a great 2 game series. A highlight reel defensive gem was turned in by CC when tagging out a runner who took too big of a turn around 1st base and was tagged out with the ball Under My Thumb. The player looked at me and I said "Did you think I would Miss You?" The Westwoodies were buoyed by this superhuman feat which caused a rucus by the opposing players yelling profusely. CC simply yelled back "Hey, Get Off My Cloud, it was a good play." The Westwoodies went on to a 12-9 victory, much to the happiness of all the Honky Tonk Women in attendance.

Game two showed that the Westwoodies would Not Fade Away by putting together one of their best defensive efforts of the summer. A 6-4-3 double play was turned at a crucial time that was a sweet as Brown Sugar. That was when Harmons knew It's All Over Now. Westwood cruised to a 10-5 victory and in the Undercover Of The Night, went to the Park Tavern to celebrate a well deserved sweep. CC was heard exclaiming when drinking a beer "She's So Cold, but this tastes great!". Also in attendance was Harmon's, drinking lots of alcohol for their Emotional Rescue.

Thanks for showing up today. I hope that Grog has his road report ready for tomorrow. Until then!

Weekend Bonus

I posted an article over at Packer Punchline (yes, I'm still working on the title) on the MVN. Feel free to check it out.

The Fab Five

I'll get into the Packers at another time, as I am off again this weekend and back Wednesday next week. This month has been about as goofy as can be for me. So, I'll bust out an edition of the Fab Five for your literary delight. Come Wednesday next week, I'll have sports for you. Promise.

Laboratorio do Luiscaz
This spanish site is about Luis and Lucas, two wild and crazy guys, who are experimenting with trying to make themselves into werewolves. So far, they've got some shag carpeting and a shitload of crazy glue.

Fun Hobby Blog
Ok, this blog is about coin collecting. Or I should say, a site to link you to sites about coin collecting. I can just see the comments now: "Hey Tad, I found a wheat penny! Can you believe it!" "I can't Gerald, I've been trying to find one since stardate 4587.26"

Diskoballs
Hey now, this is a site I can get into. A site about disco balls. I think I'll get one for my living room. I'll be the party house of the neighborhood. There will be people doing the hustle all night long. Wait a sec, this site isn't about them, it's just some stupid spanish site. Oh crap.

Crooked Road
Site by a lady who is an artiste and is far more intelligent, interesting and wears more black than anyone. Go ahead and ask her, she'll agree.

Diary of a Nerd
Yep, it's a nerd with a blog, I know it's shocking, but true. This particular nerd is lamenting how annoyed he is with the party going on in his dorm last night and how loud it is. However, 2 drunk girls get into his room, and sufficeth to say, he is no longer a nerd but a man. He is currently working on a new title for his site.

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there

Back from the Boundry Waters and I had an incredible time. The trip was more fun and relaxing than I thought possible. Now for a quick recap of my trip:

I went up with my best friends Gabe and Murph, another friend Bob, Gabe's mom Helen and her best friend Sue. Helen and Sue have gone up there every year for the last 20 years or so. Helen is a phenominal cook and proved it once again with meals of shrimp jambalaya (2x), chicken soup with dumplings, chili, biscuits with sausage gravy, pancakes with fruit toppings, brownies, peach crisps with freshly picked blueberries on top... needless to say, we ate real good. Gabe and Bob have been up there about 20 times between the two of them as well. So we were with some very knowledgeable people.

We started out going on the Moose River to Nina Moose Lake. Our starting point is marked with the red pin at the bottom of the map. We had a 160 rod portage to carry the canoes and packs to start with to get to the river. A rod is 17 feet, so I had about 900 yards to carry a canoe by myself on my shoulders along a dirt path with roots and rocks springing up from all over. River paddling can be both fun and infuriating at the same time. Going out from the portage to the lake with the current was not too bad. The worst part is when the weeds come right up to the surface and you are putting a hell of a lot of effort into paddling, but the weeds slow your progress to a crawl.

We then went out of Agnes (middle bottom of the above map) and through the Nina Moose River and over 3 beaver dams. Yes, we had to get out, step into the river, and get the canoe over the dam. I even created a lower area over one of the dams so that our other canoe and those people that were behind us could just sail their canoes over the dam and not get out and get their feet, socks and boots soaked. (I know, I'm a great guy) We had to go over several other portages varying in distances from 30 rods to 90 rods. We then continued onto Lake Agnes to our campsite. About 3/4 of the way up the map there is a spur that comes out on the right, the red dot directly on the left hand shore is where we stopped and camped for the next 2 days. I was an incredible site with a great swimming hole. It took us about 4 hours to get to that site. There was an eagle who decided to watch us for the better part of our first day there.


We then did a quick 2 hour trip to Lac La Croix to the Boulder Bay site which if you follow the yellow triangles to the north of the lake and extrapulate the angle, the red dot would be that site. This site was awesome. It not only had a great swimming hole, but it had a nice rock spur out into the lake that had a great view of the northern and western sky. On Wednesday night, Gabe and myself went out to the point and watched the Perseid Meteor shower for about an hour. Then on Friday night we went back out again with Murph as that was the pinnacle of the shower. We saw meteors that were streaking through the sky that were as bright as fireworks. Then the big attraction occurred, the Northern Lights. It was the most incredible thing I have ever seen (other than my wife coming down the aisle). The lights covered about 20% of the sky and shimmered and spiked for the next hour and a half. Combining this with the meteor shower was worth all the hassle and time we had to go through to get there. To top it off, I got to enjoy it with my 2 best friends who appreciated it for what it was. I may never get to see something that incredible again, so I am extremely thankful that I was able to witness that.

The next 2 days we did our trek back to our starting point and then civilization where all I really wanted at that point was a soft chair and a cold anything. I got to have a great time, read a couple of books, and was able to hang out with some great people away from everything else. I was just stunned at the absolute quiet that was up there. It's amazing how used to airplanes, traffic and noise you get used to. If any of you get a chance to go up there, even if it's just for 3-4 days, it's worth it.

So long, farewell...

I'm off this weekend for 8 days in the Boundry Waters full of camping, portaging and a whole lot of canoeing, immediately followed by a business trip. I know you will all miss me and my amusing ramblings. As a parting gift I leave you with this big ad. I recommend using the medium size download screen; it's safe for work so enjoy!

With the Brewers winning a wild series against the Mets, they have come one step further in fulfilling my prediction that they will end up with a better record than the Twins do (only 1.5 games back now). I am looking forward to the Crew having the better record upon my return. Laters!

Who's afraid of the big bad Pedro?

Not the Brewers. The Crew has done a fantastic job against a good NY staff so far in this series and should have been looking at a sweep in today's game. It'd be good to see the success continue in today's game against Kris Benson. If nothing else, let's hope Anna Benson makes an appearance.

Packers
I've got my first article up on the Most Valuable Network (MVN) at Packer Punchline. Yes, I know the name sucks (not my doing), and it's going to be changed shortly. I'll be putting articles on there all season long, so those wanting their Packer fix I'll be directing there when I post, which should be at least 1x/week, but probably more as we get into the season.

Fun Stuff
I've got our annual team outing today on Lake Minnetonka. We've rented a couple of 30' pontoon boats and will be eating, drinking and having fun in the sun. Enjoy your day inside! Here's some things that make you go hmmmm:

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother & sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few onces can kill most dogs.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach fro underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' & 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case 'letters'.
17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time (hence, multi-tasking was invented.)
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death. No comment.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb (sign of a true civilized society)
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples! Dieters pay attention.
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

Westwood recap: Def Leppard Edition

The Animal, that is the Westwoodies battled Aldersgate, before 5489 fans (no Foolin') that were in complete Hysteria before the game even started. They were all clamoring for a Photograph of their favorite Westwoodie. The dastardly Aldersgate team got out to a quick lead of 1-0 after the 1st inning. The second inning was all Westwood as CC started Bringin' On The Heartbreak of an 8 run inning with a Rocket into left center, this caused the team to Adrenalize. The entire lineup hit in the inning one hit and run after Another Hit And Run. CC had 2 hits in the inning with such a sweet swing that it prompted the Women in the stands to scream "Pour Some Sugar On Me, CC!" The lovefest for CC almost got dangerous and cost the Westwoodies 3 runs in the 5th inning when a rather exuberant (and busty) female fan ran onto the field during play wanting an autograph from CC screaming "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad?" The ball happened to be hit at CC right when this happened and caused a run scoring double. CC told her that he was happily married and that it was Too Late For Love. As the young lady was being escorted off the field she was heard sobbing "Love Bites sometimes." The game was ultimately won by the Westwoodies 11-5, bringing them back over the .500 mark for the season.

Brew Crew
How the hell does a team get 17 hits, 5 of them HR's and still lose? Last night's loss is going to drive me nuts for a while.

Apology

I would like to make the following apology to all my readers:
I do not know how that Viagra got into my system, I have never knowingly used Viagra. I extend a sincere apology to all my readers. I have let you down. All I can ask for is your forgiveness. I have been told by Blogger that I have a 10 day blogging suspension starting on Monday Aug 8th.

Now, everybody knows that baseball is full of stats, stats that some people say mean something, others who disagree and claim the other one is full of crap. It gets down to a schoolyard mentality at a certain point, but that's baseball for you. Anyway, I figured I wanted to see if one of these stats, in this case RISP (batting average with Runners In Scoring Position not someone with a lisp wanting to play Risk, the popular board game) means anything. The Brewers are 5-5 in their last 10 games and I thought it would be fun, well not so much fun as an interesting article, to see how RISP affected those games. So I went back through the ESPN play-by-play and with the help of several Red Bulls, I was able to fight off sleep and come up with the following results of this mysterious stat:

In the 5 wins: RISP of .324
In the 5 losses: RISP of .167

Hmmmm, that would lead me to believe that there is a direct correlation between the two. The Brewers are currently 15th out of 16 in the NL in this category. So logic would dictate that if the Brewers would hit better with RISP, then they would win more. I will now sing only of the praises of RISP! Now, I will forward my findings to the Brewers staff in hopes that they will come to thier senses and preach this to their hitters, that they have to get hits with runners in scoring position. I have single-handedly saved the Brewers season! Oh, and by the way, if the Brewers were in the NL West, they would be in 1st place by 1/2 game. That is one weak-ass division.

Lord Wickethammer

The Backyard Border Battle continued on Sunday night with the fourth event of this series, Croquet. To bring a quick summary, my neighbor Shane had a taken a 2-1 lead by winning HORSE and Trivial Pursuit after losing to me in the HR Derby. Now, on to last night's latest installment of the Battle.

Shane's grass had been freshly mowed that evening and mine was cut the day prior. The field was primed for battle and the air fragerant with fresh clippings. We laid out the wickets and went over the rules. We flipped the ceremonial croquet coin to determine who went first. Shane, beating all odds, called it correctly in his favor and chose to hit first. At this point I raised my mallet to the heavens and called forth the power of the croquet gods and screamed "I am Lord Wickethammer!" Lightning came forth from the heavens in the clear sky unto my mallet. The ground shook and Shane could only stand with his mouth agape at the impressive sight before him. Shane's hands shook as he hit his first shot, missing the wicket. That was all I needed to claim victory in the first match as I jumped out of the gate quickly and decisively. My sheer presence alone made him quake with fear. During the second match his eldest son turned on him with taunts and jeers. Shane even tried to pay the boy in order to cheer for him, but his offerings of money only served to fatten his son's pockets as the taunts continued. Mercifully, I won the 2 out of 3 matchup quickly, thus tying the series at 2 games a piece.

The next event will be a gentlemanly game of chess, followed by mini-golf and Stratego. This was to have originally been a best of seven series, however, as the rules clearly state, additional events can be added to the list and 2 definately have, and 2 are pending. The 2 that have been added are bowling and bocce ball. The 2 pending are Irish Horseshoes and Dodgeball. This is not the dodgeball of the schoolyard days, oh no. Those who have attended Twins games in the Dome know that during the game a fan gets 3 chances at throwing a ball into the bed of a Dodge pick-up from the luxury box level for a chance at winning said truck, they call this game Dodgeball. We have decided that our version calls for us to climb on top of the roof of my house and attempt to bounce ping-pong balls into the open back end of my Dodge Caravan, thus our version of Dodgeball. The Irish Horseshoes game is pending me being able to borrow it from a co-worker. I will explain that should the event occur.