Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Adventures of Larry Legend: Episode IV - The Forbidden Jungle

In Episode III, we witnessed Larry and Biff in their struggle against the Nymphos. Biff sacrificed himself so that Larry could continue on. Now, Larry is on his way to see King Cheekymonkey in hopes that he can help Larry save Polly.

Larry crossed the great sea with the aid of the cuddling sailors and entered the Forbidden Jungle. The Jungle was full of deadly plant life such as giant man-eating Venus fly traps and large aloe plants. As ferns and ficus flailed furiously, the former fantastic Forward flung forth fabulously.

He did not care what damage was being done to him, he only cared for one thing: a double cheeseburger. It had been a long time since he last ate and he was hungry dammit! He decided that he must rescue Polly first. Because if she found out he stopped to eat while she was held captive, then he would never hear the end of it; and frankly he really did not need that kind of hassle in his life.

While Larry was busy daydreaming about double cheeseburgers, there was a loud shout in front of him. "Halt!" boomed a voice that shook him to his bones.

Larry looked up and saw a giant nutcracker.

"In order to pass to the castle of King Cheekymonkey, you must answer a riddle," said the nutcracker. "Answer it correctly and you shall pass unharmed, answer incorrectly and I shall crack your nuts."

"I agree to your terms, giant." Larry answered boldly. "Give me your riddle so that I may answer it and move on."

"Very well, what is the name of the compound that is essential to absorbing and retaining the scented essences of potpourri?" asked the giant Nutcracker

Larry answered confidently, "Given that I minored in potpourri at Indiana State, this is easy. The answer is a fixative, such as oak moss, orris root or cellulose."

"You are correct, and you may pass," and with this the Nutcracker moved out of the way and allowed Larry to continue on to the castle of King Cheekymonkey.

Larry approached the opulent palace of King Cheekymonkey and upon his arrival, the King and Queen came out to the balcony to see what this stranger to their land wanted.

Larry told his sorrowful tale of love lost and the hardships he had endured getting to this point in his journey.

The king was agast at the tale of the Nymphos and exclaimed, "You walked away from Nymphos in a hot tub with beer? What are you whipped or something?"

The Queen joined in as well, "I agree, I would never pass that up and frankly I would be ashamed of myself had I done so."

Larry was flabergasted, "But Polly is my true love, other than basketball. Doesn't that count for anything?"

The King and Queen conferred and decided that Larry was indeed worthy of help, despite being a wuss, after all he was one of the 50 greatest players in NBA history, even though they thought Magic Johnson was better. "We shall give you the use of the Rescue Heros to aid you on your quest."

Larry was thrilled at this offer. Furthermore, the King and Queen knew of where Rhyno's fortress was. Larry jumped onto the Rescue Hero's firetruck with them and off they went to save Polly.

Will Larry be able to get to Polly in time? Does Rhyno have one last surprise for Larry? Tune in next time for the conclusion in Episode V - The Final Battle.


Sara said...

Very funny. Can't wait to see what happens next...

will he ever get his double cheeseburger?
will he meet brainwashed Magic Johnson whom he must defeat to reach the button that turns off the self-destruct sequence?

tune in tomorrow!

John B. said...

I stayed up all night worrying about Larry...I was hoping for that long sought after resolution in today's posting.

This had better not evolve into too many sequels, a la those Friday the 13th movies....

And, as always, larry had better survive, from a fellow Hoosier. After all, if he dies, who gets to run all of his car dealerships in Terre Haute???