Mr. Crankbutt

Yesterday was a day like any other, I was at work, listening to 93X and the lunchtime trivia question popped up. “Who is the career leading scorer in the Pro Bowl?” A quick internet search gave me the answer: Morten Andersen. Now, the question is asked around 11:50 and you can call in answers starting at 12:25. Usually, I get too busy to call in, but I had a few minutes, so I gave it a try. My first attempt to get through resulted in a busy signal, the second call got through. I was starting to get more and more nervous with each ring. Finally, the DJ, Patrick, answered and he did not have a winner yet. I suddenly realized I won, so I confidently said “Morten Andersen”. Bingo! Patrick then went over that he had 46 points total in the Pro Bowl. I had won a 6 foot sub from Subway. “Boo Yah!” I yelled over the radio. Needless to say, that made my day.

Now…what’s this? What’s going on? Well, he just barged in, face all red and steam coming from his ears. I felt it wise to leave his path to the computer unimpeded seeing the mood he was in. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Crankbutt.

I am absolutely shocked as to what passes as celebrities and actors in today’s world. Let’s take a look at some of the biggest offenders whose 15 minutes of fame should have been up 20 minutes ago:

Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. What in the blue hell happened here? How rich, trailer trash has become this popular is beyond me. They not only got on TV, but for the 3rd season of their show that should be called “The Skank Life”. Not only do I find them not attractive to start with, but there is absolutely no “reality” to this show at all, they play everything up for the cameras. It also is embarrassing as an American that we are giving more $ to these multi-millionaire, no-talent bimbos just to see them parade around and mock regular people. I guess all you need in this country to succeed is to have a famous last name, and the willingness to make an ass out of yourself in public.

Ashlee Simpson. Her lip synching on SNL clearly was a publicity stunt to get her attention. Only problem is that it backfired, big time. People were now focusing on her actual “singing” ability. Problem is, she is an incredibly bad singer and performer. She got booed mercilessly at the Orange Bowl, and justifiably so. If it wasn’t for her sister having good looks and singing ability, we would NEVER have heard of her. Ashlee could not even make the first round cut on American Idol. This is a case of record companies shoving some crap product down the public’s throats.

David Caruso. If there is a worse actor out there, I’d love to hear about him/her. This guy should not even be on local cable access TV, let alone on a primetime show. He has one expression for delivering all his lines. It’s as if he seems to be trying to divide 754,398 by 47.89 in his head. Angela Lansbury in “Murder, She Hopes” was a more believable actor than he is. Avoid him at all costs and do not make eye contact.

Vincent D’Onofrio. Oh, how he has deteriorated. He was very good in “Full Metal Jacket”, but his portrayal of a NY cop in “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” is just seizure-inducing bad. Trying… to type… fingers… flailing… when brain… thinks… of… him…