Oracle Of Cheese

You all have been there, when a moment comes along while shopping or eating out when a thought or phrase comes to mind and you know you cannot say what you are thinking out loud, but damn if it doesn't make you laugh inside. Several of these happened to me while shopping at the local Cub food store this past week.

• "Damn these bananas are so big, porn actors would be jealous."
• "Those are some nice melons"
• "No, I don't know the score of the Twins game, I'm in the grocery store like you, nimrod"
• "No thanks, I don't want you to slice my salami"
• "Wow, that case of Diet Coke will sure offset the 3 bags of chips and 2 packages of Chips Ahoy cookies, good thinking"

Also, this weekend marked the beginning of the offical Backyard Border Battle between myself and Slackjawed Shane. Currently there are 7 events: HR Derby, HORSE, Croquet, Mini-golf, Trivial Pursuit, Chess and Stratego. We each have the right to add events or make an event a best of 3. I easily took the HR Derby as Shane all but threw in the towel in the first round while watching my towering shots. Shane won in HORSE by having his kids grabbing at my legs and biting my ankles (little snots). Shane also won a very tightly contested game of Trivial Pursuit when one of his cats "magically" got out of the house when I was up 4-1. Plus my daughter gets soaked while playing with his daughter (coincidence? I think not). After this break in the action of finding the cat and me having to change my daughter into dry clothes, Shane is sitting on his porch smiling like the proverbial cat who ate the canary. I thought at the time this seemed odd, and then he suddenly goes on a huge run to tie it at 4-4. Yep, he read the cards, no other explanation is possible. So I'm down 2-1 to my "friend" who I underestimated in his willingness to win. Time for the hammer of cheese to come down on his sorry ass.

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig / 8:58 AM