On Saturday, December 31st, my neighbor Shane and I participated in the last event of the 2005 Backyard Border Battle, bowling. I was already assured the championship by being up 4-2 after shellacking Shane throughout the year. This event was simply to go through the motions and finish out the contest.
Shane insisted on bringing his boys along with him and wanted me to bring Adam. I thought this sounded fishy as they all were giggling amongst themselves when I agreed to bring along my son so that he could witness my final victory. Little did I know the depths that Shane would sink to just to win the event to make the final score look closer than it really was.
The first game was a close one, with both of us taking the lead at various times. The victory was preserved for Shane in game one after my son inadvertantly threw a ball that crashed through the bumpers of the kids lane and into the gutter on our lane, during the 10th frame.
Game two Shane saw the true destructive force of my bowling prowess as I marked 6 straight times to even the score at 1-1 with a 50 pin victory. Shane was asking for a time out and even said that he forgot something in my van (I drove us all over, see what a great guy I am) in order to get me outside in an attempt to have the freezing air outside cool me off.
Then, came game three. The start of the game was a tight affair, then I noticed Shane give a signal to his two sons who then started taunting my son. The venomous chants of "The Packers stink! Brett Favre is a loser!" came from his children's lips and stung my son to the quick. My son, being only 5, broke into tears as he could not understand why his friends and Viking fans would be so mean-spirited. Shane would not tolerate any delay in the game and demanded that I bowl immediately. My mind was clearly on my tormented son and I simply threw the ball down the lane and quickly returned to him. This continued for several frames while I helped my son understand that Viking fans simply don't care about things that are good and pure, and only care about being mean and ugly and bringing others to their despicable level. My son, now armed with this knowledge, was able to fend off these bullies and enjoy his bowling experience. However, having to devote all my thoughts and energy to him, got me too far behind to catch up to Shane. He won the bowling event 2-1.
Even with this setback, I was still the 2005 Backyard Border Battle champion! As my reward, Shane must provide me a beverage of my choice for a day. We will be going to Snuffy's shortly so that he can provide me with a chocolate malt. Ahhh... the chocolately taste of victory! The 2006 Battle will be starting soon with more events and more excitement. I'll still win, but keep reading to see how this year.
7 comments:
And the NFC Norris nastiness continues. Packer fans would never stoop to such low standards...that is almost as low as Bear fans (well, I have been pelted with beer and swearing by Bear fans, so maybe not).
Maybe you should just settle it like the old days, with a duel at 50 paces, choose your revolvers. Only surprise him and make sure to give him a cap gun.
Sounds like you guys have a lot of fun with this. It is just as enjoyable to read about.
You are correct John, I have experienced the nastiness that is Bears fans as I grew up about 20 miles from the IL border in SE WI. They could be the lowest form of life.
We are going to try and have an event every month. There will be additions to the events we had this year.
We still have to get a Cup for the award yet.
Maybe one of those specimen cups fromt he doctor's office, paint it gold and mount it on wood....
I can't believe I missed this vicious pack of lies yesterday! You need to post these things earlier in the morning!
This is so wrong on so many levels. There was no taunting. There was no discussion of the Vikings or the Packers. There was no hidden plan to divert Cheeshead's focus away from the game and onto his son (although that was a nice side benefit). There was only a butt whooping given by me to Cheesehead Craig. Game two was obviously a fluke as I handily beat him in games 1 and 3. So stop your whining.
Then, to top it all off, I conceded defeat in the overall battle so that Craig would feel better about himself. That is the kind of guy I am. And then I read this nonsense ... that is the thanks I get?
The border battle has officially gotten ugly.
Post earlier? Should I have this up at 7am or something? I post when I want to. Try visiting several times during the day.
Shane, this was written in the same vein as my Westwood Softball recaps. One would think that someone who is rumored to be a college graduate and has supposedly read this site before would have caught that.
Meee-Yow!!!
-Cheesehead's wife
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