Oracle Of Cheese: Mr. Crankbutt: Revenge of the Crank

Life is too short to eat fat-free cheese

Friday, May 27, 2005

Mr. Crankbutt: Revenge of the Crank

It's time for another lovely rant from Mr. Crankbutt. You know he wasn't always like this. He was once an idealistic youth that loved to race soapbox cars. He was very good at it, too. He won many a race and raced sheerly for joy. Then, sadly, fame got to his head and he raced strictly for glory, money and girls and soon became engulfed in the dark, seedy side of soapbox racing. He eventually broke both his legs in a horrendous crash by using illegal parts for his car, while racing his one time idol, Opie Von Kenozee. Now, just a shattered and jaded man remains of what he once was... Mr. Crankbutt.

Shut your ass, cheesewiz! I had it all dammit, I had it all! Ahem, now on to my rant. Americans are dumb. I'm not talking about our pathetic education system that gets it's ass kicked by Sweden or Japan in math every year. Americans simply are dumb in general and most lack the common sense God gave an ant. This week I was driving along and noticed 2 gas stations at an intersection, one directly across the street from the other. Station 1 had the price of gas at $1.91/gallon and Station 2 was at $2.09/gallon. Now wouldn't common sense have told you to go to Station 1? But noooooooo! That station had no cars getting gas, NONE! and Station #2 you ask? It had 4 cars getting gas. I'm about to have an apoplectic siezure here! Come on people use your friggin' eyes and brains. People whine about the cost of filling up thier precious SUVs, but then ignore this.

Also, when is the "reality show" phase going to run it's course? I'm sick of it. Who wants to see "Rob and Amber's friggin wedding"? dear Lord help me. Survivor has gotten old. We've seen it all before so it's time for it to move along to where shows die (and I don't mean the WB). Are there no writers left? Is the best we can do just throwing people in some cockamamie scenario and film it? Now we got celebrities getting in on the action with "Chaotic" with Brittney Spears and her slack jawed yokel husband, is anyone over 18 watching this show? I think I'm going to start a show, "Tell it to the Ass". It will star me and all I'll do is walk the streets, hear people's opinions, then have some big 400 man moon them in the face and say "Tell it to the Ass", then I'll tell them why their opinions are stupid. If you don't think this will work, you haven't been paying attention to TV lately.

I'm done. If you don't like what I'm saying, remember: Tell it to the Ass!

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig / 9:07 AM